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What recent news story has affected you the most? In what ways it has affected to you? Use reasons and examples to support your response.

What recent news story has affected you the most? In what ways it has affected to you? Use reasons and examples to support your response. QLn2L
The contemporary world is filled with heart touching news due to increased violence and uncontrolled anti-social elements across the globe. But the recent news that happened in Connecticut, USA was a truly heartbreaking. The morning I was dumb found when I switched on my television set with the news that explained the terrible shoot out of the innocent school children in a public school in Connecticut. Although, I was deeply moved by the sad news at that point of time, later on some aspects drew my attention to think over them. First of all, the uncontrolled use of weapon in USA is the main reason for the massacre in the Sandy Hook Elementary school, which can take place anywhere in the country again. Hence, I thought why the political leaders always need to bring a change after a nerve raking incident, which they can address before any such mishaps. People are over conscious about the silly safety measures those are taken almost everywhere in almost everywhere. Whereas, the most dangerous weapons are not taken seriously, which we can say is the base of many criminal activities. However, The president Obama said" shame on us if Newtown doesn't bring new gun laws" . His statement seems to bring a change to the law for safe use of weapons. Secondly, whatever the other factors might be behind the incident of shooting twenty children and 6 school staffs in the school by a teenager, the most painful feelings that not only affected me but also people around the world is still incurable. This massacre reminded me many other kinds of violence those are responsible for killing innocent people everyday in different parts of the world. Afterward, when I went through the details of the upbringing and mental state of the shooter, I was surprised that how a very normal looking person could have several problems going on in his mind that resulted in an unexpected adverse situation. In some news they say that the shooter was fond of playing military video games and the money was given by his mother to buy the firearms. Here I must say, parents should be careful about their children's hobbies and consequences. In a nutshell, we come across many painful news everyday, but the unpleasant news those are about killing of innocent people, who do not have any direct relationship with the perpetrators affect me the most. In addition, some careful steps can stop such situations and people should learn from these incidents for avoiding further mishaps.
The contemporary world
is filled
with heart touching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
due to increased violence and uncontrolled anti-social elements across the globe.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
that happened in Connecticut, USA was a
truly
heartbreaking. The morning I was dumb found when I switched on my television set with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
the terrible shoot out of the innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
children in a public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in Connecticut. Although, I was
deeply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
by the sad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
at that point of time, later on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects drew my attention to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
over them.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the uncontrolled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of weapon
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
is the main reason for the massacre in the Sandy Hook Elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, which can take place anywhere in the country again.
Hence
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
why the political leaders always need to bring a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
after a nerve raking incident, which they can address
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
any such mishaps.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are over conscious about the silly safety measures those
are taken
almost everywhere in almost everywhere. Whereas, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
weapons are not taken
seriously
, which we can say is the base of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
criminal activities.
However
, The president Obama
Possible spelling mistake found.
said&quot
; shame on us if
Possible spelling mistake found.
Newtown
doesn't bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
gun
Possible spelling mistake found.
laws&quot
;
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
His statement seems to bring a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to the law for safe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of weapons.

Secondly
, whatever the other factors might be behind the incident of shooting twenty children and 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
staffs in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
by a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
, the most painful feelings that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world is
still
incurable. This massacre reminded me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other kinds of violence those are responsible for killing innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
everyday in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world. Afterward, when I went through the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of the upbringing and mental state of the shooter, I
was surprised
that how a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
normal looking person could have several problems going on in his mind that resulted in an unexpected adverse situation. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
they say that the shooter was fond of playing military video games and the money was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by his mother to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the firearms. Here I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
say, parents should be careful about their children's hobbies and consequences.

In a nutshell, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
painful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the unpleasant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
those are about killing of innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who do not have any direct relationship with the perpetrators affect me the most.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
careful steps can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
such situations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should learn from these incidents for avoiding
further
mishaps.
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IELTS essay What recent news story has affected you the most? In what ways it has affected to you? Use reasons and examples to support your response.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
420 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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