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Sample TOEFL essay one: Which one do you prefer, to solve problems on your own experience and knowledge, or to ask others for advice?

Sample TOEFL essay one: Which one do you prefer, to solve problems on your own experience and knowledge, or to ask others for advice? MMLlq

Every person has his/her own way of solving problem. I prefer to solve problems on my experience and knowledge. Though, I do not hesitate to ask the experienced and knowledgeable ones. Basically, people asking for advice, become dependent upon others. Consequently, they are easily shaken by minor issues in their life. Where as, people who solve their problems on their own, they become more successful in life. First of all, I have a strong belief that all human beings have the unlimited potentialities within themselves. So we should not be affected by any problem in our life and put all our efforts to solve them ourselves. It enhances our confidence after succeeding. Though nothing is wrong in asking others' advice. It is not possible for others to be present beside us always. Other side of this aspect is that, it may increase our dependency upon others gradually. For instance, some of my friends break down easily with minor issues in their life, start calling everyone and they become restless. Where as those who have confidence in themselves, stay calm and sort it out easily. Secondly, when we solve our problems, we can not blame anybody for the consequences. Being educated and experienced from different aspects of our life, we have the ability to get a better solution rather than asking others and blaming them for the out comes. When we prepare ourselves for facing the problems consequently we get the energy to confront the results as well. Even if we fail to reach a fruitful solution, we gain experiences from our mistakes and more insight for the future problems. For example, in my childhood while learning to ride bicycle, nobody was beside me to teach how to ride one. Those days we didn't have bicycles with balancing wheel. So after falling down several times, gradually I learned to balance the bicycle with my body. From my point of view, this is a general way to move forward overcoming the obstacles for every one. To summarize, I would mention that it is always better to solve problems myself, which increase my experience, confidence and insight to grow as an overall mature person.

Every person has his/her This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :possess
own
 way of solving You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcomplicationdilemmaquestionobstacletroubledispute
problem
. I prefer to You use this word too often, consider replacing it withdodeterminefixclear upexplainclarify
solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcomplicationdilemmaquestionobstacletroubledispute
problems
 on my experience and knowledge. Though, I do not hesitate to ask the experienced and knowledgeable ones. Basically
, This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
 asking for advice, become dependent upon others. Consequently
, they are easily
 shaken by minor issues in their You use this word too often, consider replacing it withheartgrowthsoulactivity
life
. Did you mean "Whereas"?Whereas
Where as
, This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
 who You use this word too often, consider replacing it withdodeterminefixclear upexplainclarify
solve
 their You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcomplicationdilemmaquestionobstacletroubledispute
problems
 on their This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :possess
own
, they become more successful in life.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".First
First of all
, I have a strong belief that all human beings have the unlimited potentialities within themselves. This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:consequently
So
 we should not be This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :impacted
affected
 by any You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcomplicationdilemmaquestionobstacletroubledispute
problem
 in our You use this word too often, consider replacing it withheartgrowthsoulactivity
life
 and put all our efforts to You use this word too often, consider replacing it withdodeterminefixclear upexplainclarify
solve
 them ourselves. It enhances our confidence after succeeding. “Though” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Though
 nothing is This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:incorrect
wrong
 in asking others' advice. It is not possible for others to be present beside us The adverb 'always' is usually not used at the end of a sentence.
always
. You use this word too often, consider replacing it withnewalternativemore
Other
 side of this aspect is that, it may increase our dependency upon others gradually
. For instance
, This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a number of
some
 of my friends break down easily
 with minor issues in their You use this word too often, consider replacing it withheartgrowthsoulactivity
life
, This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :initiate
start
 calling Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).everyone, and
everyone and
 they become restless. Did you mean "Whereas"?Whereas
Where as
 those who have confidence in themselves, stay calm and sort it out easily
.

Secondly
, when we You use this word too often, consider replacing it withdodeterminefixclear upexplainclarify
solve
 our You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcomplicationdilemmaquestionobstacletroubledispute
problems
, we can not blame anybody for the consequences. Being educated
 and experienced from This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:various
different
 aspects of our You use this word too often, consider replacing it withheartgrowthsoulactivity
life
, we have the ability to This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :acquire
get
 a better solution rather
 than asking others and blaming them for the out This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :approachesarrives
comes
. When we prepare ourselves for facing the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcomplicationdilemmaquestionobstacletroubledispute
problems
consequently
 we This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :acquire
get
 the energy to confront the results as well
. Even if we fail to reach a fruitful solution, we gain experiences from our mistakes and more insight for the future You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcomplicationdilemmaquestionobstacletroubledispute
problems
. For example
, in my childhood while learning to ride bicycle, nobody was beside me to teach how to ride one. Those days we didn't have bicycles with balancing wheel. This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:consequently
So
 after falling down several times, gradually
 I learned to balance the bicycle with my body. From my point of view, this is a general way to This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :relocate
move
 forward overcoming the obstacles for every one.

To summarize
, I would mention that it is always better to You use this word too often, consider replacing it withdodeterminefixclear upexplainclarify
solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcomplicationdilemmaquestionobstacletroubledispute
problems
 myself, which increase my experience, confidence and insight to grow as an overall
 mature person. 