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What measures can be taken to deal with animal extinction?

What measures can be taken to deal with animal extinction? dpM22
Extinction of Animals The world is facing the problem of animal extinction because careless people do not attach importance to animal extinctions. However, we should protect animals for the reason that animals are creatures that cannot talk and cannot explain their problems. If we do not want to the point of animal extinction, the government should regulate laws about hunting, and associations should give seminars about deforestation. The first solution is that the government should implement laws about hunting. There are a lot of hunters who do not care about hunting laws, and they continue to hunt animals. Amount of the fines are not a hindrance for hunting. To give an example, foregin hunters are coming to our country to hunt several vital animals because our fine is not too much for them. Consequently, the government ought to regulate fine’s amounts. The second solution is that associations should give seminars about deforestation. Some people are unaware that the extinction of some animals is due to deforestation. Associations, such as THKD and Animal Rescue Association, should give seminars to schools and public places. There are a lot of reasons for deforestation, and one of them are unconscious forest fires. For instance, a number of people are going to the forest for a picnic. They do not care so much about their fire and they leave, leaving fire behind. A small fire grows and eventually leads to a large wildfire and extinction of animals. Consequently, associations should inform them with these examples. In conclusion, from my point of view, animal extinction is a significant problem and it has two measures to deal with this problem which are the government should change the laws, and associations should announce to people the risk of deforestation. Every living thing in nature has the right to live, and no one should interfere with the right to life of any living thing.
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Extinction
of Animals

The world is facing the
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problem
of
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animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
careless
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people
do not attach importance to
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animal
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extinctions
.
However
, we should protect
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animals
for the reason that
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animals
are creatures that cannot talk and cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
their
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problems
. If we do not want to the point of
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animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should regulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunting
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
associations
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
seminars about deforestation.

The
first
solution is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should implement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
about
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hunting
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
hunters who do not care about
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hunting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
, and they continue to hunt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. Amount of the fines are not a hindrance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunting
. To
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give
an example,
Possible spelling mistake found.
foregin
hunters are coming to our country to hunt several vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
our fine is not too much for them.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
ought to regulate fine’s amounts.

The second solution is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
associations
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
seminars about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deforestation
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
are unaware that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deforestation
.
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Associations
, such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
THKD
and
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Animal
Rescue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Association
, should
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give
seminars to schools and public places. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deforestation
, and one of them are unconscious forest
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fires
.
For instance
, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are going to the forest for a picnic. They do not care
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much about their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fire and
they
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leave
, leaving
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fire
behind. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
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fire
grows and
eventually
leads to a large wildfire and
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extinction
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Consequently
,
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associations
should inform them with these examples.

In conclusion
, from my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
is a significant
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problem
and it has two measures to deal with this
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problem
which are the
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government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
, and
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associations
should announce to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deforestation
. Every living thing in nature has the right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, and no one should interfere with the right to life of any living thing.
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IELTS essay What measures can be taken to deal with animal extinction?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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