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What make someone admirable?

What make someone admirable? 9wWjW
Everyone, including myself, has a role model. A role model is not necessary to be so wealthy, brilliant, and great. They are role models just because they are ordinary people with extraordinary vitality, honesty, and a deep love for this life. It is the same with my grandmother. I respect her for her inner strength, the hard work of a Vietnamese woman, and her boundless love for her family. I have many wonderful things of my grandmother that I wish I could share them all, but here are a few of her admirable abilities. First, she is an extremely hard-working woman. She began to study and work at the same time when she was twelve to take care of her younger sibling. She tried extremely hard to study because she wanted to become a well-informed woman in society at that time. When she was eighteen years old, she got into a famous local university and after four years, she was one of only nine people who graduated with honors on time. After she married, she changed jobs several times to earn money for her children and she always gave her best things to them. Furthermore, she is always charitable and helps others in private. For example, if she saw a poor man, he would help him without hesitation. She always donates a portion of her earnings to charities, but never reveals her identity. Finally, my grandmother is a person who adores her family. She spent her entire life caring for my family; she never got angry, even when we did something wrong, and she always taught her children with kindness. My grandmother is the type of person who dedicates her entire life to her family. She is thoughtful, hardworking, and always looks after her family. She expresses her love through actions rather than words. She always gives me positive motivation and helpful advice, and I learn from her the importance of constantly striving to live a beautiful life.
Everyone, including myself, has a role model. A role model is not necessary to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
wealthy, brilliant, and great. They are role models
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with extraordinary vitality, honesty, and a deep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It is the same with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandmother
. I respect her for her inner strength, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work of a Vietnamese woman, and her boundless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for her family.

I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
wonderful things of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandmother
that I wish I could share them all,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
here are a few of her admirable abilities.
First
, she is an
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working woman. She began to study and work at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
when she was twelve to take care of her younger sibling. She tried
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she wanted to become a well-informed woman in society at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. When she was eighteen years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
into a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
local university and after four years, she was one of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
nine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who graduated with honors on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. After she married, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
jobs several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
to earn money for her
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
she always gave her best things to them.
Furthermore
, she is always charitable and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
others in private.
For example
, if she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
, he would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him without hesitation. She always donates a portion of her earnings to charities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
never reveals her identity.
Finally
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandmother
is a person who adores her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. She spent her entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
caring for my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
; she never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
angry, even when we did something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, and she always taught her children with kindness.

My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandmother
is the type of person who dedicates her entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. She is thoughtful, hardworking, and always looks after her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. She expresses her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
through actions
rather
than words.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
She
always gives me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
motivation and helpful advice, and I learn from her the importance of
constantly
striving to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay What make someone admirable?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
328 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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