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There are many ads direct to children

There are many ads direct to children KlmQL
Nowadays, advertisement is one of the tools for the business for raising brand awareness of the consumers. Commercial advertisements are a significant factor that can influence the behaviour of juveniles. There are two different aspects of launching the ads to the children. To some parties, they may think that advertisements provide useful information that the children should receive. In my opinion, I totally agree with the parents that the childrens can be misled from the commercial advertising sources. The following cases and examples will help support my point of view. One major justification is that the childrens can get the useful information from the ads that are not for commercial purposes. Many sectors including the government, or the NGOs usually provide the knowledge by launching the ads. In additionat to the knowledge, creativity of the kids can be created from these useful ads. For instance, the colorful picture on the ads could encourage the juveniles to develop their art skill. However, I still believe that the degree of negative effects from advertisements directly to children is higher than that of positive effects. First of all, less degree of accuracy on the product could be appear on the ads. Likewise, the companies launch the ads because they want to gain higher revenue. Over announce the benefit from using the products could make the childrens give wrong interpretation to the product, leading to unefficency use. Moreover, fear of missing out from the society could occur on the childrens. In other word the childrens demand to feel along in the group of society. Therefore, without searching for the accurate information of the product, they tend to purchase the things that the society expects them to have. In conclusion, for all reasons mentioned above, I still agree with the parents' concern. Directy ads to children generate many negative effects, and lead to inefficient used of the product.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is one of the tools for the business for raising brand awareness of the consumers. Commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are a significant factor that can influence the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of juveniles. There are two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of launching the ads to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parties, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
provide useful information that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should receive. In my opinion, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the parents that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens can
be misled
from the commercial advertising sources. The following cases and examples will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
support my point of view.

One major justification is that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the useful information from the ads that are not for commercial purposes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
sectors including the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, or the NGOs
usually
provide the knowledge by launching the ads. In
Possible spelling mistake found.
additionat
to the knowledge, creativity of the kids can
be created
from these useful ads.
For instance
, the colorful picture on the ads could encourage the juveniles to develop their art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.

However
, I
still
believe that the degree of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
directly
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is higher than that of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, less degree of accuracy on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
could be
Consider using the past participle "appeared"?
appear
on the ads.
Likewise
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
launch the ads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to gain higher revenue. Over announce the benefit from using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
interpretation to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, leading to
Possible spelling mistake found.
unefficency
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

Moreover
, fear of missing out from the society could occur on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
. In other word the
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
demand to feel along in the group of society.
Therefore
, without searching for the accurate information of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the things that the society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expects
them to have.

In conclusion
, for all reasons mentioned above, I
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the parents' concern.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Directy
ads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
generate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects, and lead to inefficient
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
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IELTS essay There are many ads direct to children

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
313 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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