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What language other than English and Thai should Gen-Y study and Why?

What language other than English and Thai should Gen-Y study and Why? kjPrn
If we ask other people in the society that except English ans Thai what language that Gen-Y have to learn, most of people will answer Chinese. Contradictory, I think that they should learn ny language that they want to. This essay will explain the reasons why they have to choose what the would like to study. People always say that they should learn Chinese because China is a big country ans have a mass population. It plays a huge role in world's economy. Therefore, If they have their own business, it will be easy when they contact or want to co-operate with Chinese company in the future. Then, they just learn because of other recommendaions. According to this, they might give up easily, if studying Chinese is harder that what they think. Moreover, they can not find any joy of learning language. But if they can choose what they are willing to study, they will happy with their learning. For example, some people want to learn French because they think that French has fascinating pronunciation or they desire to study Korea due to the fact that they like K-POP and K-Dramas. They will have an encouragement, and can make their inspiration to be implusion to eager to study language. Furthurmore, it is the efficient way to study, basing on what they like. In conclusion, the qustion about what language should Gen-Y study has no strict answer. It depends on their genuine interests.
If we ask other
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people
in the society that except English ans Thai what
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language
that Gen-Y
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
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learn
, most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will answer Chinese. Contradictory, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they should
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learn
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ny
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
that they want to. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the reasons why they
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have to
choose what
Did you mean "they", "that" or "there"?
the
would like to study.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
always say that they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
Chinese
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
China is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
country ans have a mass population. It plays a huge role in world's economy.
Therefore
, If they have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business, it will be easy when they contact or want to co-operate with Chinese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in the future. Then, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of other
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recommendaions
. According to this, they might give up
easily
, if studying Chinese is harder that what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
.
Moreover
, they can not find any joy of learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if they can choose what they are willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, they
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
will happy
with their learning.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
French
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that French has fascinating
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
pronunciation or
they desire to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
Korea due to the fact that they like K-POP and K-Dramas. They will have an encouragement, and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their inspiration to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
implusion
to eager to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Furthurmore
, it is the efficient way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, basing on what they like.

In conclusion
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
qustion
about what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
should Gen-Y
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
has no strict answer. It depends on their genuine interests.
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IELTS essay What language other than English and Thai should Gen-Y study and Why?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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