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Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? (at least 250 words)

Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. with this opinion? (at least 250 words) QM0B9
A number of people conclude that mathematics and philosophy should be non compulsory lessons since they are sophisticated, while others believe that scholars should learn these subjects obligately. This essay will cast light on both views and I would support the latter opinion. On the one hand, it is reasonable why some argue that maths and philosophy should not be included in the main study schedules. One apparent explanation is that learning such subjects might affect the quality of student learning. To be particular, the numbers in maths as well as theories in philosophy are usually so boring and complicated that students could not understand it right away. This leads to the reduction in students' concentration during class time. When pupils cannot catch up with the lectures, they will find ways to entertain or do something else, thus missing the important knowledge. Therefore several will feel that they are not as good as others in class, which puts them at a higher risk of stress. On the other hand, it is necessary to let mathematics and philosophy be the obligatory lessons. This is because these two subjects are extremely beneficial to the scholar’s brain. To be specific, they are both logical subjects that could stimulate students' thinking in an effective way. Therefore, the foundation for pupils' ability to handle difficult situations in the future could be set up. For instance, when a person encounters several conflicts between participants in the same work, they will need to solve the problem by rationally applying acquired knowledge. Therefore, after the arguments are tackled, learners’ social ties could be enhanced and they could get happier in life. In conclusion, I would confirm that despite the complication in learning mathematics and philosophy, they should be involved in the list of compulsory subjects due to the benefits they could bring.
A number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
conclude that mathematics and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
should be
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non compulsory
lessons since they
are sophisticated
, while others believe that scholars should learn these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
Possible spelling mistake found.
obligately
. This essay will cast light on both views and I would support the latter opinion.

On the one hand, it is reasonable why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
should not
be included
in the main study schedules. One apparent explanation is that learning such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
might affect the quality of student learning. To be particular, the numbers in
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
as well
as theories in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
are
usually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
boring and complicated that students could not understand it right away. This leads to the reduction in students' concentration during
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
time. When pupils cannot catch up with the lectures, they will find ways to entertain or do something else,
thus
missing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
knowledge.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
several will feel that they are not as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as others in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, which puts them at a higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

On the other hand
, it is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
mathematics and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
be the obligatory lessons. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
extremely
beneficial to the scholar’s brain. To be specific, they are both logical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that could stimulate students' thinking
Consider replacing "in an effective way" with the adverb for "effective"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an effective way
.
Therefore
, the foundation for pupils' ability to handle difficult situations in the future could
be set
up.
For instance
, when a person encounters several conflicts between participants in the same work, they will need to solve the problem by
rationally
applying acquired knowledge.
Therefore
, after the arguments
are tackled
, learners’ social ties could be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
enhanced and
they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
happier in life.

In conclusion
, I would confirm that despite the complication in learning mathematics and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
, they should
be involved
in the list of compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
due to the benefits they could bring.
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IELTS essay Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. with this opinion? (at least 250 words)

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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