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Many people believe that they should enable children to have knowledge about their host countries’ history while others suppose that learning about world history is better. But from my perspective, the importance of both are equal.

Many people believe that they should enable children to have knowledge about their host countries’ history while others suppose that learning about world history is better. But from my perspective, the importance of both are equal. 6pOgB
Many people believe that they should enable children to have knowledge about their host countries’ history while others suppose that learning about world history is better. But from my perspective, the importance of both are equal. There is no doubt that it is essential for citizens to learn about their local history. Firstly, researching history makes youngsters have the awareness of the event of their countries’ past. By knowing clearly about what had happened in their hometown, children would be able to take a myriad of valuable lessons and experiences which have been retransmitted by their ancestors. Vietnam, for example, had been dominated for a very long time lead to the appearance of countless brave heroes, so learning History is encouraged. Secondly, children can learn how important local culture and tradition have developed. They may know about their countries’ traditions but there are not many people who understand the roots. On the other hand, studying world history is also significant to children’s development. An understanding of the past experience of other peoples will be developed if the youngs learning world history. They could not only apply those experiences to their daily life but also take them into work. Another advantage is that they would have an understanding of how the history of one country has come to affect the history of other countries. For instances, the appearance of Adolf Hitler- a dictatorial leader of Germany who caused the Second World War which not only devastate Germany but also affect many other countries. To sum up, children should not take priority to either of them, it is better to spend time learning about local history and world history.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that they should enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have knowledge about their host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
while others suppose that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is better.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
from my perspective, the importance of both are equal.

There is no doubt that it is essential for citizens to learn about their local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
Firstly
, researching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
youngsters have the awareness of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
past. By knowing
clearly
about what had happened in their hometown,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would be able to take a myriad of valuable lessons and experiences which have
been retransmitted
by their ancestors. Vietnam,
for example
, had
been dominated
for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long time lead to the appearance of countless brave heroes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
is encouraged
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
local culture and tradition have developed. They may know about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
traditions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who understand the roots.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is
also
significant to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development. An understanding of the
Consider using "experience".
past experience
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
peoples will
be developed
if the
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "young", the plural form of the noun 'young'?
youngs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. They could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
apply those experiences to their daily life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
take them into work. Another advantage is that they would have an understanding of how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. For instances, the appearance of Adolf Hitler- a dictatorial leader of Germany who caused the Second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
War which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
devastate Germany
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
affect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not take priority to either of them, it is better to spend time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
about local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
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IELTS essay Many people believe that they should enable children to have knowledge about their host countries’ history while others suppose that learning about world history is better. But from my perspective, the importance of both are equal.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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