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What Koreans do if they do not agree with state policies or political situation?

What Koreans do if they do not agree with state policies or political situation? e5A0W
If we look back to South Korea’s history, we can see that most of the Korean people take actions when they are not agreed with state policies or political situations. For example, May 18 Gwangju Democratization Movement, which happened in 1980, in this uprising even Chonnam National University’s students were participating. Sadly, in 9 days more than 600 people were killed by government troops. In today’s modern world, when people have any opinion against the government’s policies, most of the times people protest online, as the government and Blue House will respond to their petition recommended by more 200000 people within 30 days. They sign petitions by using Facebook, KakaoTalk accounts or by using their phone numbers. In South Korea, not only Korean citizens protest, but foreigners who live there with different visa types have the voice and rights to protest. As the later ones, I can say that international students residing in Korea signed a petition against the new policy that obligated foreign students to have the National Health Insurance. In this case students needed to pay around 60. 000KRW monthly whereas they used to pay 110. 000KRW~130. 000KRW for a year.
If we look back to South Korea’s history, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that most of the Korean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take actions when they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
with state policies or political situations.
For example
, May 18
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gwangju
Democratization Movement, which happened in 1980, in this uprising even
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chonnam
National University’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were participating.
Sadly
, in 9 days more than 600
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were killed
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
troops.

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern world, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have any opinion against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s policies,
Consider using "most of the time" if you mean "usually" or "very often".
most of the times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
protest online, as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and Blue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
House
will respond to their petition recommended by more 200000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
within 30 days. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
petitions by using Facebook,
Possible spelling mistake found.
KakaoTalk
accounts or by using their phone numbers.

In South Korea, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Korean citizens protest,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
foreigners who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
visa types have the voice and rights to protest. As the later ones, I can say that international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
residing in Korea signed a petition against the new policy that obligated foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to have the National Health Insurance.
In this case
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
needed to pay around 60. 000KRW monthly whereas they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to pay 110. 000KRW~130. 000KRW for a year.
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IELTS essay What Koreans do if they do not agree with state policies or political situation?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
193 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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