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what is your ideas about money and leisure time

what is your ideas about money and leisure time oV5PX
Having more money and less free time is better than having less money but more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion. One of the huge dilemmas for people who are working in society is to choose more money and less free time or to have lack of money but having their own leisure time. Some opinions consider that money can bring happiness, But other think that for earning more money it is essential to restrict our leisure time. First of all, To be wealthy and rich, we need to work harder and knuckle down on business way seriously. also, we should spend much more time on how to earn and invest money more and dedicate time on that, which it takes extensive time to gain experience and learn how to be professional on this path. Thus, we need to cut off our leisure time and not be able to delight with what we achieve until then; because we conceive that we may need them later or it is better to invest more and more. However, there is another conviction or better to say thought that says: "We earn money to live not live to earn money ". So other people have chosen this path to have less money but enjoy the youth and their life. In this case, people usually can earn money just to be able to have fun, buy or commit to what makes them happy and cheerful. In this lifestyle hardly we can find very wealthy because there is no overworking and not such a thing as investing a huge amount of money. In conclusion, I propose to myself the second lifestyle which I earn enough money to live healthy and ecstatic. The reason is that I believe humankind only lives once so it is better to have the experience of living than being thirsty for more money.
Having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
more free time.

Discuss both views and state your opinion.

One of the huge dilemmas for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are working in society is to choose more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or to have lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
having their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
leisure time.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
opinions consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can bring happiness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that for earning more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
it is essential to restrict our leisure time.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, To be wealthy and rich, we need to work harder and knuckle down on business way
seriously
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
also
, we should spend much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
and invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
more and dedicate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on that, which it takes extensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to gain experience and learn how to be professional on this path.
Thus
, we need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
off our leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and not be able to delight with what we achieve until then;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we conceive that we may need them later or it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to invest more and more.

However
, there is another conviction or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to say
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that says:
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
We
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have chosen this path to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
enjoy the youth and their life.
In this case
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
usually
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to be able to have fun,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
or commit to what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them happy and cheerful. In this lifestyle hardly we can find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
wealthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no overworking and not such a thing as investing a huge amount of money.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, I propose to myself the second lifestyle which I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
healthy and ecstatic. The reason is that I believe humankind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
once
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to have the experience of living than being thirsty for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
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IELTS essay what is your ideas about money and leisure time

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
314 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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