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Some people believe that money can make us happy whereas other our opinion that happiness can be achieved by other ways discuss both the sides and give your opinion

Some people believe that money can make us happy whereas other our opinion that happiness can be achieved by other ways discuss both the sides and give your opinion Vr0Bw
For some pupils, money is everything which make us glad. Whereas, other ponder that there are many ways to achieve happiness. Those people who think that money is everything that make us happy. If we have money we can buy everything these people believe that without money we can't leave. Till we have Mani, we will happy and everyone are with us. On the other hand, few pupil's think that without money we can achieve happiness. Unto the factor, yes, money is not everything, without money we can also game happiness. Happiness is not in money it's in love also. According to me, we all need money to live happy life. On the contrary, we can't buy happiness. Due to the fact that money is not for whole life. It's like today we have money and tomorrow we not. Consequently our gladness is not depend on money. If we want to leave happy we can do hard work or success in life it is our greatest achievement and happiness. Although, a plethora of love for happy others which make us glad. For the more, with caring and loving life partner we lived happily. And by people worship also make us happy. Therefore, we can live with money a good life but I can't buy happiness with money.
For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pupils,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
us glad.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, other ponder that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. Those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
we have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
we can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
. Till we have Mani, we will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
and everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "is", "was", "were".
are
with us.
On the other hand
, few
Incorrect plural form; it does not need any apostrophe. Did you mean "pupils"?
pupil's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
we can achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. Unto the factor, yes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
, without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
we can
also
game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happiness
is not in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
it's in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
also
.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, we all need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
On the contrary
, we can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. Due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not for whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It's like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
we have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and tomorrow we not.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
our gladness is not
Consider using a past participle here: "depended".
depend
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. If we want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
we can do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work or success in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
it is our greatest achievement and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. Although, a plethora of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
others which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
us glad. For the more, with caring and loving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
partner we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
happily
. And by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
worship
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
.
Therefore
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that money can make us happy whereas other our opinion that happiness can be achieved by other ways discuss both the sides and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
217 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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