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School plays a more important role than the family in shaping one’s personality

School plays a more important role than the family in shaping one’s personality xgPmy
Psychologists have been doing research on whether school plays a more important role than the family in shaping one’s personality or not. As a result, there is no absolute answer since the evidence is both in support of and against the dispute, which is worth examining before reaching any conclusions. The convincing point in favour of the above-mentioned statement is that children spend a great amount of time at school, where they learn how to socialise. They get more chances to expose to the diversity of different personalities, which may have influences on their personality. An additional major advantage of schools is that schools guide students to define their passions and discover their strengths as well. Students are taught many subjects, which provides them with a wide range of knowledge. Therefore, they get to decide what are their interests, which makes one an individual among others. On the other hand, it may be argued that one of the most important functions of the family is nourishing children. During their childhood, they are attached most to their parents. Since this is the vital phase in constituting their personalities, it is undeniable that families have such an impact on the child. The argument is proved by some research, claiming that children reflect parental behavior. Furthermore, schools nowadays focus on tests and competitions. Consequently, students have little time to develop their personalities. In most cases, the study time overwhelms the break time and students can not interact with each other much. All things considered, there is a slight chance that their personalities develop drastically at school. To sum up, it is my belief that both schools and families are vital to individuals to some extent. There may be a comparison between these two, yet there is not much variation in their contributions to one’s personality. Thus, schools and families should do their best to raise their kids, who are the bright future of the community.
Psychologists have been doing research on whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
plays a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in shaping one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
or not.
As a result
, there is no absolute answer since the evidence is both in support of and against the dispute, which is worth examining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching any conclusions.

The convincing point in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the above-mentioned statement is that children spend a great amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, where they learn how to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more chances to expose to the diversity of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
personalities, which may have influences on their personality.

An additional major advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
guide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to define their passions and discover their strengths
as well
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
are taught
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
subjects, which provides them with a wide range of knowledge.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to decide what are their interests, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
one an individual among others.

On the other hand
, it may
be argued
that one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
functions of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is nourishing children. During their childhood, they
are attached
most to their parents. Since this is the vital phase in constituting their personalities, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
have such an impact on the child. The argument
is proved
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
research, claiming that children reflect parental behavior.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
nowadays focus on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
and competitions.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to develop their personalities.
In most cases
, the study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
overwhelms the break
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can not interact with each other much. All things considered, there is a slight chance that their personalities develop
drastically
at school.

To sum up, it is my belief that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are vital to individuals to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent. There may be a comparison between these two,
yet
there is not much variation in their contributions to one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
should do their best to raise their kids, who are the bright future of the community.
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IELTS essay School plays a more important role than the family in shaping one’s personality

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
322 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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