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What is the reasons for animals being endangered or extincted ?

What is the reasons for animals being endangered or extincted? aJMAV
Alarmingly, many animal species are on the verge of extinction. Some salient reasons for this reality are represented below. In terms of pollution, water contamination poses a severe risk to marine animals. Compounded with factory waste, hundreds million tonnes of plastic dumped into the ocean contaminates the water source. This pollution leads to a drastic change in oxygen, which may suffocate the species. Exposure to poison also renders some marine animals succumb to diseases or starvation, which results in death. Furthermore, habitat loss is an influential driver of animals’ extinction as well. Undispensably, most faunas require suitable places to inhabit, forage, or breed. However, with the aim of making room for a growing accommodation and providing places for crops and livestock, people expand relentlessly into the wild and gradually destroy the natural habitat. Some species that can not adapt to the loss and their turbulent situation are vulnerable to disappearance. In conclusion, a profusion of palpable reasons impinge significantly on the danger of animals’ extinction.
Alarmingly
,
many
animal
species are on the verge of extinction.
Some
salient reasons for this reality
are represented
below. In terms of pollution, water contamination poses a severe
risk
to marine
animals
. Compounded with factory waste, hundreds
million
tonnes of plastic dumped into the ocean contaminates the water source. This pollution leads to a drastic
change
in oxygen, which may suffocate the species. Exposure to poison
also
renders
some
marine
animals
succumb to diseases or starvation, which results in death.
Furthermore
, habitat loss is an influential driver of
animals’
extinction
as well
.
Undispensably
, most faunas require suitable places to inhabit, forage, or breed.
However
, with the aim of making room for a growing accommodation and providing places for crops and livestock,
people
expand
relentlessly
into the wild and
gradually
destroy
the natural habitat.
Some
species that can not adapt to the loss and their turbulent situation are vulnerable to disappearance.
In conclusion
, a profusion of palpable reasons impinge
significantly
on the
danger
of
animals’
extinction.
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IELTS essay What is the reasons for animals being endangered or extincted?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
165 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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