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More and more people want to buy clothes, cars and other items from famous brands. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

More and more people want to buy clothes, cars and other items from famous brands. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? lRydX
In these days, more incomes people earn, more people want to buy items from famous brands. I think this problem has both cons and pros. On the one hand, buy objects from luxury brands has some advantage. Firstly, many people think that famous brand is expensive but it is more modern and more useful than other. For example, Apple – a company always produces things with high cost, but many customers buy them. While Samsung also produces things which response more utilities. Secondly, many persons buy, which that country has a high average income. On the other hand, buy items from well- known brands also has some disadvantage. Firstly, some people can't afford to live but still buy luxury things because of their passion, for the sake of dignity. In fact, they want to show themselves to their friends. Secondly, this activity is detrimental to handmade goods, traditional goods. Because some people think they are old – fashion and worthless. In conclusion, I see this issue as both pros and cons.
In these days, more incomes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
earn, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
items from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this problem has both cons and pros.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
objects from luxury
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantage.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
is expensive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is more modern and more useful than other.
For example
, Apple
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
always produces things with high cost,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
customers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
them.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
Samsung
also
produces things which response more utilities.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
persons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
, which that country has a high average income.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
items from well- known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantage.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can't afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
luxury things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their passion, for the sake of dignity. In fact, they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
themselves to their friends.
Secondly
, this activity is detrimental to handmade
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
fashion and worthless.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this issue as both pros and cons.
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IELTS essay More and more people want to buy clothes, cars and other items from famous brands. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
171 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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