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What is beauty in your opinion and is inner beauty more important or outer beauty? Is it more important for men or women?

What is beauty in your opinion and is inner beauty more important or outer beauty? Is it more important for men or women? XqqBN
It is clear that all of us care about our appearance and look after our beauty. While some people believe that outer beauty is more important than inner beauty, I my opinion, we need to be conscious about both of them. In this era, cosmetic companies utilize a lot of marking tricks to encourage people to put on makeup and look after their appearance. The majority of people, especially women, started a race to use more and more makeup or even beauty surgeries to care or change their appearance. For example, most of the young women in Iran put heavy makeup and they did or wondering to do a surgery on their face. This trend encouraged greed and envy to look after outer beauty. However, I think that people should consider inner beauty along with outer beauty to keep their life balance. To me, old and wrinkled face of my grandmother is really beautiful. Being jealous or bothering other people around us, not only annoy others, but also you will lose your friends and you would harm your social relations. It is very common that people usually love those who respect about others and avoid breaking norm. In contrary, very beautiful woman or a very handsome man could lose people in her/his circle without a bright inner beauty. In conclusion, although appearance is cared a lot in the current age, shining inner beauty along with outer beauty would ensure us to build a better community and we can rely more on people in our network.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that all of us care about our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
and look after our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than inner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
, I my opinion, we need to be conscious about both of them.

In this era, cosmetic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
utilize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
marking tricks to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to put on makeup and look after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
. The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
women,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
a race to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more and more makeup or even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
surgeries to care or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
.
For example
, most of the young women in Iran put heavy
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
makeup and
they did or wondering to do a surgery on their face. This trend encouraged greed and envy to look after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outer
beauty.

However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should consider inner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their life balance. To me,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and wrinkled face of my grandmother is
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
. Being jealous or bothering other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around us, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
annoy others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
you will lose your friends and you would harm your social relations. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
those who respect about others and avoid breaking norm. In contrary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
woman or a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
handsome
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
could lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in her/his circle without a bright inner beauty.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
is cared
a lot in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
age, shining inner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
would ensure us to build a better
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
community and
we can rely more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in our network.
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IELTS essay What is beauty in your opinion and is inner beauty more important or outer beauty? Is it more important for men or women?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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