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Health level is decreasing globally . What are some reasons and solutions

Health level is decreasing globally. What are some reasons and solutions bx3AX
Health plays the most crucial role in everyone’s life and from our ancestors to us the health level have changed a lot. Levels of health is declining globally Some possible reasons and solutions regarding the same in the coming paragraphs. The first and foremost reason why health level is getting affected is / which is affecting the health levels is Sedentary lifestyle, as many of the people spend there most of time working on a desk. Due to this a huge number of people are not being able to squeeze time from there hectic schedule for their physical and mental health exercises. They spend 7-8 hours sitting on a chair which have lead them to have a bad digestion system, not only that experts have also encountered fluctuations in blood cholesterol levels. These people tend to have very less body movements in their lives these people have been diagnosed with increased blood sugar levels and blood pressure levels. When it comes to the mental health, most of these are facing mental illness problems such as depression and anxiety as they don’t get enough time to talk and express their feelings to someone. As a result 3 in 5 number of the people are facing mental illness problems. To solve this issue I had pointed out some ways. Firstly government should make law of maximum office work hours so that people don’t have to work for longer period of times. Secondly Workplaces can conduct daily 10 mins of yoga or exercises sessions. Some campaigns can be conducted by work authorities such as marathons. This will influence them to participate in the marathons. For mental health they can conduct sessions once a week or twice week where people can talk freely about their issues/ problems. Also some campaigns should be conducted spreading the awareness about the effects of sedentary. Last but not the least People should start prioritising their health as they prioritise their work then only their health levels will increase.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
plays the most crucial role in everyone’s life and from our ancestors to us the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
a lot.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Levels
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is declining globally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
possible reasons and solutions regarding the same in the coming paragraphs.

The
first
and foremost reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
is getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
is / which is affecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
is

Sedentary lifestyle, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend there
Consider using "most time" or "most of the time".
most of time
working on a desk. Due to this a huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not being able to squeeze time from there hectic schedule for their physical and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
exercises. They spend 7-8 hours sitting on a chair which have
Possible agreement error – use past participle here: "leaded", "led".
lead
them to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
digestion system, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that experts have
also
encountered fluctuations in blood cholesterol
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less body movements in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
been diagnosed
with increased blood sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
and blood pressure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, most of these are facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
illness problems such as depression and anxiety as they don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to talk and express their feelings to someone.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result 3 in 5 number of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
illness problems.

To solve this issue I had pointed out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways.
Firstly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
law of maximum office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for longer period of times.

Secondly
Workplaces can conduct daily 10
Possible spelling mistake found.
mins
of yoga or exercises sessions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
campaigns can
be conducted
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
authorities such as marathons. This will influence them to participate in the marathons. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
they can conduct sessions once a week or twice
It is better to use 'week' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "week when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
week where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can talk
freely
about their issues/ problems.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
campaigns should
be conducted
spreading the awareness about the effects of sedentary. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritising' is British English.
prioritising
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
as they
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritise' is British English.
prioritise
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
will increase.
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IELTS essay Health level is decreasing globally. What are some reasons and solutions

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
330 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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