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What is a good activity that people can do every day to stay healthy? Describe the activity, and explain how it helps people to be healthy. v.1

What is a good activity that people can do every day to stay healthy? Describe the activity, and explain how it helps people to be healthy. v. 1
An increasing number of people from developing nations are making their first car purchases. The principle problem this causes is traffic congestion and the most viable solution is better public transport. The primary dilemma developing countries face when their citizens start to buy cars is traffic jams. This is because people’s wealth has grown faster than the infrastructure and this means that roads that were built for bikes or a limited number of cars are suddenly clogged with a line of vehicles during peak times. The result of this is people getting stuck in traffic for a prolonged period of time during rush hour. For example, most roads in Ho Chi Minh City were built to carry bikes only, but now there are up to 5, 000 new cars added to the streets a month and it now takes up to half an hour to travel one kilometre within the city centre. A solution to the problem of overcrowding on the roads is to build a sustainable public transport system. This could solve the problem by taking most people off the roads and onto either an underground train, or a train that runs above the road. As traffic problems increase, most people will become frustrated and decide to either sell their car or only use it when absolutely necessary. This is why Ho Chi Minh City is currently building their first metro line and sky train, similar to Bangkok’s, and these are projected to reduce journey times by up to 50% when they are completed. In conclusion, the main problem with the rise in the number of motor vehicles in developing countries is the clogging of the roads, but this can be addressed through modern public-transport infrastructure.
An increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from developing nations are making their
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
. The principle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
this causes is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion and the most viable solution is better public transport.

The primary dilemma
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
face when their citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jams. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
wealth has grown faster than the infrastructure and this means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
that
were built
for bikes or a limited number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
are
suddenly
clogged with a line of vehicles during peak times. The result of this is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
getting stuck in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
for a prolonged period of time during rush hour.
For example
, most
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roads
in Ho Chi Minh City
were built
to carry bikes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
there are up to 5, 000 new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the streets a month and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
takes up to half an hour to travel one
Possible spelling mistake. 'kilometre' is British English.
kilometre
within the city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
.

A solution to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of overcrowding on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
is to build a sustainable public transport system. This could solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
by taking most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
off the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
and onto either an underground train, or a train that runs above the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
increase, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will become frustrated and decide to either sell their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it when
absolutely
necessary. This is why Ho Chi Minh City is
currently
building their
first
metro line and sky train, similar to Bangkok’s, and these
are projected
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
journey times by up to 50% when they
are completed
.

In conclusion
, the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
with the rise in the number of motor vehicles in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
is the clogging of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this can
be addressed
through modern public-transport infrastructure.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay What is a good activity that people can do every day to stay healthy? Describe the activity, and explain how it helps people to be healthy. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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