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What important lessons did you learn as a young kid?

What important lessons did you learn as a young kid? G3xYB
The most important lesson I learned as a young kid was don't need to care about what people think of me. When I was young, I was obsessed with being perfect in the eyes of others. I tried to get good grades at school, to have a good appearance, always listen to adults. But I slowly realized that being praised for being a good kid didn't make me happy, it made me stressed. I let other people's judgments of me overwhelm my own desires, I felt lost and empty. Things started to change when I went to college, my parents no longer housed me as much as before
The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
lesson I learned as a young kid was don't need to care about what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of me. When I was young, I
was obsessed
with being perfect in the eyes of others. I tried to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades at school, to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
appearance, always listen to adults.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
slowly
realized that
being praised
for being a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
kid didn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me happy, it made me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's judgments of me overwhelm my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
desires, I felt lost and empty. Things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
when I went to college, my parents no longer housed me as much as
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
before
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IELTS essay What important lessons did you learn as a young kid?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
107 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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