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opionion about transportation

opionion about transportation rbBJL
Some people think that huge amount should be spent on new transportation by constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities, Other people however argue that, those money should be spent on improving existing public transport. I completely agree with the former statement and present the following reasons to support my points. Firstly, The country will be developed only if new innovating ideas are introduced especially in transportation which makes people save time and travel easier. If not, on improving the existing transportation costs a lot by replacing most of the old parts of the vehicles with new parts. In addition, Being in a 21st first century the technology is getting updated quickly. Therefore the government must make use of those technology which will help the people for easy travel. Secondly, People can travel easily between cities and also can save some money. Since, most people are unnecessarily spending more money on air tickets to travel from one city to another mainly to save time. Moreover if fast trains are built people can save time as well as money. Thus people can also experience something new which they usually see in other countries. You might argue that by implementing a new technology people may not use the older ones, However people would have been comfortable with the old commute by which the usage will be same for the old transport. So, I believe that people would welcome the new technology to their country rather than improving on the existing. Hence, I strongly support more of the money on constructing new fast trains for the development of the country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that huge amount should
be spent
on
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new
transportation by constructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
railway lines for
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very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
trains between cities, Other
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people
however
argue that, those
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money
should
be spent
on improving existing public transport. I completely
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agree
with the former statement and present the following reasons to support my points.

Firstly
, The country will
be developed
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only
if
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new
innovating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
are introduced
especially
in transportation which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
time and travel easier. If not, on improving the existing transportation costs a lot by replacing most of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
parts of the vehicles with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
parts.
In addition
,

Being in a 21st
first
century the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is getting updated
quickly
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
the
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government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
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use
of those
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technology
which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
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people
for easy travel.

Secondly
,
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People
can travel
easily
between cities and
also
can
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save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
, most
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people
are
unnecessarily
spending more
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money
on air tickets to travel from one city to another
mainly
to
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save
time.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
if
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fast
trains
are built
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people
can
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save
time
as well
as
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money
.
Thus
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people
can
also
experience something
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new
which they
usually
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see
in other countries.

You might argue that by implementing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
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technology
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people
may not
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use
the older ones,
However
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people
would have been comfortable with the
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old
commute by which the usage will be same for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
transport.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would welcome the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to their country
rather
than improving on the existing.
Hence
, I
strongly
support more of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on constructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
trains for the development of the country.
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IELTS essay opionion about transportation

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
270 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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