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distance-learning can replace school. Do you agree?

distance-learning can replace school. Do you agree? a7aN7
As most people believe that the development of technology leads to the popularity of online learning nowadays, and it can displace offline learning at school. However, I totally disagree with the perception for several reasons. To begin with, studying by smartphone, ipad or computer for a long time period can cause a variety of health problems. Scientists have proved that electromagnetic waves from technological devices are the cause of headache, neurological diseases and short-sightedness if students spend many hours sitting in front of them. According to a recent survey which questioned about 1000 students in America in Covid 19 pandemic, 80 percent of them responded that they used to be taken to hospital in order to test for fitness issues, because they often feel exhausted and eyesore, which negatively affects learning process and effectiveness. On top of that, distance-learning is one of many ways to distract students from listening to their teachers. When pupils have the lesson online, they do not have the control and supervision of tutors, and it can be not as effective as learning at school. From my experience, while studying by technology, learners have a tendency to turn off the microphone, camera so as to do some other activities without focusing on the lessons, like playing video games, watching movies or having a sleep during the lecture which leads to their bad results in exams as prediction. To sum up, some people think that distance-learning apparently has a lot of advantages. Nevertheless, I firmly believe that it could not replace the tuition at school due to the mentioned risks.
As most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the development of technology leads to the popularity of online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
nowadays, and it can displace offline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
at school.
However
, I
totally
disagree with the perception for several reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, studying by smartphone,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ipad
or computer for a long time period can cause a variety of health problems. Scientists have proved that electromagnetic waves from technological devices are the cause of headache, neurological diseases and
Possible spelling mistake found.
short-sightedness
if students spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours sitting in front of them. According to a recent survey which questioned about 1000 students in America in
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
Covid 19
pandemic, 80 percent of them responded that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
be taken
to hospital in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
for fitness issues,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
feel exhausted and eyesore, which
negatively
affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
process and effectiveness.

On top of that
, distance-learning is one of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to distract students from listening to their teachers. When pupils have the lesson online, they do not have the control and supervision of tutors, and it can be not as effective as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
at school. From my experience, while studying by technology, learners have a tendency to turn off the microphone, camera
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other activities without focusing on the lessons, like playing video games, watching movies or having a sleep during the lecture which leads to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
results in exams as prediction.

To sum up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that distance-learning
apparently
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages.
Nevertheless
, I
firmly
believe that it could not replace the tuition at school due to the mentioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.
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IELTS essay distance-learning can replace school. Do you agree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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