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What health issue are linked to modern lifestyle? What answers to these problems can you suggest?

What health issue are linked to modern lifestyle? What answers to these problems can you suggest? m1XEd
Nowadays, many countries around the world has the same problems of health. This essay will discuss the reasons that cause the situation and the several methods to solve the problems. There are many reasons for the health problem. Firstly, due to the development of technology, people need not to do the same physical work as past. In many companies, employees need to stay in the office to do the work via computer for a long time, even over time, which will lead people do not have much time to do the exercise. Secondly, most people prefer to stay home than outdoor activities when they have spare time. For example, play computer games at home for a long time, even even overnight, and watch TV. Finally, many people are always living in a stress way which they could not balance their life with work. All of these reasons will lead a negative effect on people’s health. Regarding to the problems, some solutions should be provided in respect. First of all, companies should take some actions to construct the facilities of indoor activities, such as table tennis. Furthermore, employees should be allowed to have a relaxed time after working for one to two hours. On the other hand, labour law or other regulations related to respect for human should be completed by the government. On the other hand, for personally, everyone must pay more attention to their health than making money. Therefore, people better to do the exercise regularly and force ourselves to living in a healthy life. In conclusion, as we know, many people get health problems due to they are put more weight to work rather than their health. Therefore, everyone must build the awareness of doing exercise and eating healthier.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries around the world has the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. This essay will discuss the reasons that cause the situation and the several methods to solve the problems.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
Firstly
, due to the development of technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need not
Did you mean "do"?
to do
the same physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as past. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, employees need to stay in the office to do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
via computer for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, even over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, which will lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do the exercise.
Secondly
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to stay home than outdoor activities when they have spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For example
, play computer games at home for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
Possible typo: you repeated a word
even even
overnight, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are always living in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
way which they could not balance their life with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. All of these reasons will lead a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health.

The phrase 'Regarding to' is not correct. Use "Regarding" or "regard to".
Regarding to
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions should
be provided
in respect.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actions to construct the facilities of indoor activities, such as table tennis.
Furthermore
, employees should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to have a relaxed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
after working for one to two hours.
On the other hand
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
law or other regulations related to respect for human should
be completed
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
On the other hand
, for
personally
, everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay more attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
than making money.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
better to do the exercise
regularly
and force ourselves to
Did you mean "live"?
living
in a healthy life.

In conclusion
, as we know,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
due to they
are put
more weight to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
rather
than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Therefore
, everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
build the awareness of doing exercise and eating healthier.
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IELTS essay What health issue are linked to modern lifestyle? What answers to these problems can you suggest?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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