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what factors are important for a student to be successful in his post-graduate life

what factors are important for a student to be successful in his post-graduate life MmG2p
Some of us think that admission to the university was the most difficult process, and we have completed it, there will be no more difficulties. But it all starts after we graduate from university. To get a master's degree, to find a good job, to take a strong position in life - these are the mottos of our lives after graduate. Although all this may seem difficult, we must not give up, we must fight for our goal. So, there are different ways to succeed. First of all, motivation is the strongest tool on this path, followed by family support. And self-confidence. Nothing can frighten a person with developed self-confidence, he will definitely be successful in his life after graduation. On the other hand, the new graduate must be able to solve the problem on the spot, not panic, and have foresight. Finally, the graduate must realize that all his successes and failures begin with him. He must work a little harder to create a better future for himself
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that admission to the university was the most difficult process, and we have completed it, there will be no more difficulties.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
after we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
from university. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a master's degree, to find a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job, to take a strong position in life
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
these are the mottos of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
. Although all this may seem difficult, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not give up, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
fight for our goal.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways to succeed.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, motivation is the strongest tool on this path, followed by family support. And self-confidence. Nothing can frighten a person with developed self-confidence, he will definitely be successful in his life after graduation.
On the other hand
, the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be able to solve the problem on the spot, not panic, and have foresight.
Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
realize that all his successes and failures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with him. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
work a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
harder to create a better future for
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
himself
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IELTS essay what factors are important for a student to be successful in his post-graduate life

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
168 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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