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What do you think the model will be in your future job?

What do you think the model will be in your future job? 2a6gX
I think, for my future job I will find a company which can grow up in its area. As new company, I will have more challenges, more opportunities and more benefits. This future company can grow up in their area. While the company is expanding, there will have a lot of seminars or conferences for employees. If I have a chance to be at these events, I can improve my skills, or learn somethings new. I think about an international company where I can use my foreign language. In addition, the company can organize a summer vacation or something like this for employees.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, for my future job I will find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
which can grow up in its area. As new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, I will have more challenges, more opportunities and more benefits. This future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can grow up in their area. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is expanding, there will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
seminars or conferences for employees. If I have a chance to be at these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, or learn somethings new. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about an international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
where I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
my foreign language.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can organize a summer vacation or something like this for employees.
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IELTS essay What do you think the model will be in your future job?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
103 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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