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what do you think about the American Dream?

what do you think about the American Dream? 0aql9
The United States of America is the most powerful country in the world of all time. That is the thing we cannot deny. And the US also has the highest rate of illegal immigrants. Many people want to immigrate to the US, they nourish their hope about the “American Dream”. Is the “American Dream” they imagine is worth what they expect? The American Dream was written by writer and historian James Truslow Adams in 1931. The American Dream is the belief that anyone, no matter where they were born has the chance to be successful and happy if they work hard and America is the place where that dream comes true. America is an equal country, the opportunity to find work is equal for everyone and get paid according to your true ability. In a society based on these principles, an individual can live a full life they wish and enjoy the social welfare that the country brings. The American Dream promises freedom. It allows the freedom to make decisions that affect our life, the freedom to aspire to big things, and the freedom to live. The material life of the citizen is fully met. America is a multi-racial country where many cultures gather and exchange, so it has a lot of potential to grow if we have the right direction. People come to America with the desire to change their lives and America is like a promised land for everyone. In sum, the American Dream comes true or not it is dependent on us. If we have the determination to pursue and aspire to reach, one day it will happen.
The United States of America is the most powerful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in the world of all time.
That is
the thing we cannot deny. And the US
also
has the highest rate of illegal immigrants.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to immigrate to the US, they nourish their hope about the “American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Dream”
. Is the “American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Dream”
they imagine is worth what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
?

The American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Dream
was written
by writer and historian James
Possible spelling mistake found.
Truslow
Adams in 1931. The American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Dream
is the belief that anyone, no matter where they
were born
has the chance to be successful and happy if they work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and America is the place where that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
true.

America is an equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, the opportunity to find work is equal for everyone and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid according to your true ability. In a society based on these principles, an individual can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a full life they wish and enjoy the social welfare that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
brings. The American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Dream
promises
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions that affect our life, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to aspire to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
things, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. The material life of the citizen is
fully
met. America is a multi-racial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cultures gather and exchange,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
potential to grow if we have the right direction.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to America with the desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and America is like a promised land for everyone.

In sum, the American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Dream
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
true or not it is dependent on us. If we have the determination to pursue and aspire to reach, one day it will happen.
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IELTS essay what do you think about the American Dream?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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