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Modern society and social networks or real-time conversations

Modern society and social networks or real-time conversations yLJD3
As a matter of fact, in the modern society most juveniles tend to interact with family members and their peers through social media, rather than talking in reality or making phone calls. While I do admit that this trend has many benefits for productivity and time management, in my opinion, it can also have its negative impact on individuals' social lives. On the one hand, using social networking sites for communication saves time for both sides. In other words, social media gives us a great opportunity to write messages in any time of the day and also enables the respondent to answer it at any suitable time for them/ him or her. Not only it shows respect for time of both individuals, but it also gives a chance for both parties to analyze information and give a thoughtful answer. Moreover, social media is very pleasant to the eye with its precisely arranged design and interface. Young people enjoy spending time on social platforms such as Instagram due to various functions it provides. For instance, the youngsters are able to share photos and videos with one another and be aware of recent news/ stay in touch with the current trends/ bring up to date on news. In addition, it makes them easier to find topics for a conversation and have a deeper connection. Having said that, there are many drawbacks of excessive use of social media among adolescents. Firstly, kids spend most of their time online, which causes various health problems, such as short-sightedness, sclerosis and obesity. Additionally/ Furthermore, due to the lack of real-life communication, most young people have psychological problems and find it hard to talk to their peers. Face to face conversations tend to be very poor in consistency and meaning among our generation. Lack of confidence, fear of public, inability of talking to audiences and in big groups are the most common issues faced by today’s generation. Taking everything into consideration, development in social interactions has many benefits for all of us, however, real life conversations should never be forgotten by our society.
As a matter of fact, in the modern society most juveniles tend to interact with family members and their peers through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
,
rather
than talking in reality or making phone calls. While I do admit that this trend has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for productivity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management, in my opinion, it can
also
have its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on individuals'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the one hand, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites for communication saves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for both sides.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
gives us a great opportunity to write messages in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of the day and
also
enables the respondent to answer it at any suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for them/ him or her. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
respect for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of both individuals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
gives a chance for both parties to analyze information and give a thoughtful answer.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
pleasant to the eye with its
precisely
arranged design and interface. Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
enjoy spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
platforms such as Instagram due to various functions it provides.
For instance
, the youngsters are able to share photos and videos with one another and be aware of recent news/ stay in touch with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
trends/ bring up to date on news.
In addition
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them easier to find topics for a conversation and have a deeper connection.

Having said that, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks of excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
among adolescents.
Firstly
, kids spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
online, which causes various health problems, such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
short-sightedness
, sclerosis and obesity.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Additionally
/
Furthermore
, due to the lack of real-life communication, most young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have psychological problems and find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to talk to their peers. Face to face conversations tend to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
poor in consistency and meaning among our generation. Lack of confidence, fear of public, inability of talking to audiences and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
groups are the most common issues faced by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s generation.

Taking everything into consideration, development in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interactions has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for all of us,
however
, real life conversations should never
be forgotten
by our society.
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IELTS essay Modern society and social networks or real-time conversations

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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