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What do you think about Sedentary Lifestyle of Adolescents?

What do you think about Sedentary Lifestyle of Adolescents? A3Omx
Life is a marathon, the further you run, the more obstacles you face. The marathon always developing which pushes us to be competent to adapt, otherwise, we will be ‘removed’. Unfortunately, not many individuals in our community are aware of this life’s hazard which leads to a sedentary lifestyle. Those who follow this lifestyle prefer to wait for an outside influence, such as an available arrangement or an entrustment to come without any precise goal and without making effort to strive. In other words, the sedentary lifestyle is putting yourself in a defenceless position and everything is done by winging it. To be specific, I’d like to concentrate on adolescents in this essay. From my point of view, one of the most major reasons is perspective. It’s how you view a problem and I suppose perspective is the foundation for everything. It will be pointless if someone endeavour to impart knowledge and messages to you but you’re closed-minded and assertive with your own mind. Therefore, to cultivate and broaden your knowledge as well as positive viewpoint, you must open your mind. Another worrying reason is parents’ protection. Teenagers of this period appear to enjoy an affluent, pleasant and desirable life, in stark contrast to previous generations. They are provided everything they request without any restrictions. Every time they go to school, there is someone who pick up them. If they lack money, there is someone who pays for them. As the Internet advances, it’s increasingly easy to search for anything. As the result, adolescents are more prone to have the mindset that ‘everything is available’ which leads to a sedentary lifestyle. Overall, mentality and upbringing are critical in eliminating this bad lifestyle. One solution to this problem is for parents to offer their children more opportunities to engage with other things, overcome the problem on their own and learn from their failures. As I previously stated, today’s youngsters are more likely to have a protective upbringing that thwarts them to be independent. Another possible solution is changing your outlook. Mostly, passivity implies concern and fear of doing well or not be competent to do well. Let’s get rid of this attitude, these preoccupations that are perceived as a thinking hindrance and used to justify your passivity. Instead of thinking, "I can't do it, " think, "I can do it. " ‘Living without an aim is like sailing without a compass’ -J. Ruskin. The same as a sedentary lifestyle, your life will literally be obscured if there is no direction or purpose. All in all, sedentary is a negative lifestyle which definitely is avoided to give yourself a chance to approach golden opportunities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Life
is a marathon, the
further
you run, the more obstacles you face. The marathon always developing which pushes us to be competent to adapt,
otherwise
, we will be ‘removed’. Unfortunately, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals in our community are aware of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life’s
hazard which leads to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. Those who follow this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
prefer to wait for an outside influence, such as an available arrangement or an
Possible spelling mistake found.
entrustment
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
without any precise goal and without making effort to strive.
In other words
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is putting yourself in a
Possible spelling mistake found.
defenceless
position and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
is done
by winging it. To be specific, I’d like to concentrate on adolescents in this essay.

From my point of view, one of the most major reasons is perspective. It’s how you view a problem and I suppose perspective is the foundation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
. It will be pointless if someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "endeavours", "endeavoured".
endeavour
to impart knowledge and messages to you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you’re closed-minded and assertive with your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
mind.
Therefore
, to cultivate and broaden your knowledge
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
viewpoint, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
open your mind. Another worrying reason is parents’ protection.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
of this period appear to enjoy an affluent, pleasant and desirable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, in stark contrast to previous generations. They
are provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
they request without any restrictions. Every time they go to school, there is someone who pick up them. If they lack money, there is someone who pays for them. As the Internet advances, it’s
increasingly
easy to search for anything. As the result, adolescents are more prone to have the mindset that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
‘everything
is available’ which leads to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
Overall
, mentality and upbringing are critical in eliminating this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
lifestyle.

One solution to this problem is for parents to offer their children more opportunities to engage with other things, overcome the problem on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and learn from their failures. As I previously stated,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s youngsters are more likely to have a protective upbringing that thwarts them to be independent. Another possible solution is changing your outlook.
Mostly
, passivity implies concern and fear of doing well or not be competent to do well.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of this attitude, these preoccupations that
are perceived
as a thinking hindrance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to justify your passivity.
Instead
of thinking,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
I can't do it,
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
I can do it.
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"


‘Living without an aim is like sailing without a compass’ -J. Ruskin. The same as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
, your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
will
literally
be obscured
if there is no direction or purpose. All in all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sedentary
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
which definitely
is avoided
to give yourself a chance to approach golden opportunities.
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IELTS essay What do you think about Sedentary Lifestyle of Adolescents?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
442 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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