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what do you think about breadwinner in your family

what do you think about breadwinner in your family p18P9
The roles of the breadwinner is very important about every part of the family. I totally agree with this opinion. And this essay will diccuss this topic. In my family, dad is breadwinner, it quite similar other family in Vietnam. It have so much benefits face about make the son a breadwinner. Firstly, the breadwinner is a person who care about the financial of the family. Therefore, my dad always hard-working at labour force to pay my tuition at school and also tutorials. Not even that, my dad have to pay electricity bills, foods, and so on. Secondly, my dad is a place to depend on when you have tired or have a difficult in life, study, … Moreover, breadwinner have to do heavy lifting in a house. And follow my view, I think the breadwinner is hard work. On the one hand, breadwinner is also have harmful face. They always and don’t have much of time to spent with family. And one more thing is the financial burden make they feel stressed. Including, for me the roles of the breadwinner is enormous benefits for whole family so we can not denied them dedication. But our modern world is increasingly populated and go with the technology is becoming develop; therefore, a women should not only a homemaker just stay in home and do the housework. She may work in official and sharing the financial insteade of do the housework all the time. The kids also need to help their parents divide household chores.
The roles of the breadwinner is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
about every part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion. And this essay will
Possible spelling mistake found.
diccuss
this topic.

In my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dad
is breadwinner, it quite similar other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in Vietnam. It
Did you mean "has"?
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
benefits face about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the son a breadwinner.
Firstly
, the breadwinner is a person who care about
The phrase 'the financial of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the financial of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Therefore
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dad
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working at
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force to pay my tuition at school and
also
tutorials. Not even that, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay electricity bills, foods, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Secondly
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dad
is a place to depend on when you have tired or have a difficult in life, study, …
Moreover
, breadwinner
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do heavy lifting in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. And follow my view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the breadwinner is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.

On the one hand, breadwinner is
also
Consider using a past participle here: "had".
have
harmful face. They always and don’t have much of time to spent with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. And one more thing is the financial burden
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
they feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
.

Including, for me the roles of the breadwinner is enormous benefits for whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we can not
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "deny"
denied
them dedication.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
our modern world is
increasingly
populated and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
the technology is becoming develop;
therefore
,
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a woman" or simply "women"?
a women
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a homemaker
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
stay in home and do the housework. She may work in official and sharing the financial
Possible spelling mistake found.
insteade
of do the housework all the time. The kids
also
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their parents divide household chores.
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IELTS essay what do you think about breadwinner in your family

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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