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What do you dislike about your hometown?

What do you dislike about your hometown? 1165q
From my perspective, the thing which I have no taste for in my homeland is that people do not care and know about the influence and importance of education for new generations. For example, most parents frequently do not put trust into education, they think that their children only need a high school diploma and then come back home in order to help them to earn money or in a number of cases had better marriage. I think that the main reason leads to this is because of disbelief from them to new Gen which means that they limited study ability and a little consider about the offer benefit from education when they attend lecture but the knowledge just on book which far from reality is not actually necessary for them. Besides that, the fee of university is also one of the issues why they have to advise their children to stop studying. However, entering a new decade which requires a single citizen ought to source knowledge in order to change the world to be more modern and civilized, so that education needs to pick in the first place.
From my perspective, the thing which I have no taste for in my homeland is that
people
do not care and know about the influence and importance of
education
for new generations.
For example
, most parents
frequently
do not put trust into
education
, they
think
that their children
only
need a high school diploma and then
come
back home in order to
help
them to earn money or in a number of cases had better marriage.

I
think
that the main reason leads to this is
because
of disbelief from them to new Gen which means that they limited study ability and a
little
consider about the
offer benefit from
education
when they attend lecture
but
the knowledge
just
on book which far from reality is not actually necessary for them.
Besides
that, the fee of university is
also
one of the issues why they
have to
advise their children to
stop
studying.

However
, entering a new decade which requires a single citizen ought to source knowledge in order to
change
the world to be more modern and civilized,
so
that
education
needs to pick in the
first
place.
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IELTS essay What do you dislike about your hometown?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
189 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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