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What do you consider the most important characteristic of a supervisor? Please include detail and examples to support your answer. v.1

What do you consider the most important characteristic of a supervisor? Please include detail and examples to support your answer. v. 1
The environment is where people supposed to live peacefully and serendipity. But nowadays, it is also one of the critical issues, wherein other people still do not take full responsibility. The writer will discuss below what are the measures should be done to motivate people to protect the environment. To start with, some people still do not take responsibilities to protect the environment, the reason it might be because they are still not aware of the effect of being careless to the surrounding. Thereby, they do not even care how huge the problem it is. For instance, a young one, keep on throwing her plastic trash everywhere. Thus, it leads to an environmental issue. Furthermore, there are some measures to curb the pitfall. First, the government should implement a law to those people who litter and spit in the surrounding. For example, in Manila, Philippines, those people who violated the law are obliged to do community cleaning. Moreover, a high penalty should be implemented too by authority. For instance, my cousin when we were walking along the public hi-way suddenly threw his cigarette in the public street, then the police officer came over to inform that he has to pay for violating one of the rules in the city. Thus, it became a lesson for my cousin. Apart from that, all human kinds should encourage to plant a seedling to protect mother earth and to prevent climate change. To sum up, I believe that people should be aware and responsible to save mother earth and to prevent inevitable circumstances like a flood, tsunami, and other natural disasters.
The environment is where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
supposed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
peacefully
and serendipity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nowadays, it is
also
one of the critical issues, wherein other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
do not take full responsibility. The writer will discuss below what are the measures should
be done
to motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to protect the environment.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
do not take responsibilities to protect the environment, the reason it might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
still
not aware of the effect of being careless to the surrounding. Thereby, they do not even care how huge the problem it is.
For instance
, a young one,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on throwing her plastic trash everywhere.
Thus
, it leads to an environmental issue.

Furthermore
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures to curb the pitfall.
First
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should implement a law to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who litter and spit in the surrounding.
For example
, in Manila, Philippines, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who violated the law
are obliged
to do community cleaning.
Moreover
, a high penalty should
be implemented
too by authority.
For instance
, my cousin when we were walking along the public hi-way
suddenly
threw his cigarette in the public street, then the police officer came over to inform that he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
pay for violating one of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
in the city.
Thus
, it became a lesson for my cousin. Apart from that, all human kinds should encourage to plant a seedling to protect mother earth and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

To sum up, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be aware and responsible to save mother earth and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
inevitable circumstances like a flood, tsunami, and other natural disasters.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay What do you consider the most important characteristic of a supervisor? Please include detail and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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