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What distinguishes young people from their parents' or grandparents' generation is a lack of physical exercise

What distinguishes young people from their parents' or grandparents' generation is a lack of physical exercise xPG3o
The one of the most significant cause of distinguishes between old ans young generations is lack of physical act. According to WHO 2017 data, lack of physcical activity is fourth important risk factor of global death causes. In my opinion we could find the fundemental cause of inactivity in early childhood. Children take mobile devices in their hands after the birth. Especially parents use the social media in order to feed them in early ages. And the routine of children in their early ages determine their habbits for life. Therefore, TV and social media addiction is first cause of inactivity. But also our work shapes turned into the immobility. The software sector takes the first place in future jobs. And it required to work in same place hours and hours. If we focus the topic from different viewpoint, ourparents and grandparents were motionless also. But their work and hobbies (gardening vs. ) were requiring the activity. And because of that they were not motionless. Consequently, I agree with foregoing question relatively, but if the TV, social media and other technological devices were in times of our parents, they were inactive people like us.
The one of the most significant cause of distinguishes between
old
ans young generations is lack of physical act. According to
WHO
2017 data, lack of
physcical
activity is fourth
important
risk
factor of global death causes.

In my opinion we could find the
fundemental
cause of inactivity in early childhood. Children take mobile devices in their hands after the birth.
Especially
parents
use
the social media in order to feed them in early ages. And the routine of children in their early ages determine their
habbits
for life.

Therefore
, TV and social media addiction is
first
cause of inactivity.
But
also
our work shapes turned into the immobility. The software sector takes the
first
place in future jobs. And it required
to work
in same place hours and hours.

If we focus the topic from
different
viewpoint,
ourparents
and grandparents were motionless
also
.
But
their work and hobbies (gardening vs.
)
were requiring the activity. And
because
of that they were not motionless.

Consequently
, I
agree
with foregoing question
relatively
,
but
if the TV, social media and other technological devices were in times of our parents, they were inactive
people
like us.
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IELTS essay What distinguishes young people from their parents' or grandparents' generation is a lack of physical exercise

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
193 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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