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What could be done to reduce violence

What could be done to reduce violence Jwbkk
Violence is increasingly widespread with many different forms and methods. Causing serious impact in people's lives. Violence occurs in a variety of circumstances. The first environment that each child is born in contact with is the family, parents are the first influencers to shape the child's personality. Parents teach children by scolding and beating their children when they make mistakes, gradually forming aggression in children. Secondly, poor living environment, low education level, poverty, many people drop out of school, social evils. Exposure to violence can lead to long-lasting physical, mental, and emotional harm, whether the child is a direct victim or a witness. Violence exposure can lead to disturbances in cognitive functioning, emotional difficulties such as depression and anxiety, and behavior and peer problems. To reduce violence we need to pay more attention to children, explain the dangers and consequences of violence to themselves and to society. Teach children awareness and responsibility. Limit the use of violence in front of children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Violence
is
increasingly
widespread with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
forms and methods. Causing serious impact in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Violence
occurs in a variety of circumstances. The
first
environment that each child
is born
in contact with is the family, parents are the
first
influencers to shape the child's personality.

Parents teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by scolding and beating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistakes,
gradually
forming aggression in children.

Secondly
, poor living environment, low education level, poverty,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
drop out of school, social evils.

Exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
can lead to long-lasting physical, mental, and emotional harm, whether the child is a direct victim or a witness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Violence
exposure can lead to disturbances in cognitive functioning, emotional difficulties such as depression and anxiety, and behavior and peer problems.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
we need to pay more attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
and consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
to themselves and to society. Teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
awareness and responsibility. Limit the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in front of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
children
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IELTS essay What could be done to reduce violence

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
160 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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