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What causes young people, especially university students, to feel negative?

What causes young people, especially university students, to feel negative? Jq6dE
A negative mood is a common problem that almost all young people, particularly students at university and college, are facing. In fact, a high level of anxiety can lead to suicidal thoughts and behaviors and go on to affect a person throughout life. According to the result of investments, there are three primary reasons that cause the negative feeling. The most fundamental cause for pessimistic students is the intense pressure of study. Every day, they have to deal with a large number of assignments in class and deadlines at home, which make their brain continually activate and seriously damage in case it lasts for weeks and months. Additionally, when the exams approach, they constantly wake up all night to cram for their examination that they can have the state of insomnia. The core is also the significant factor that makes students particularly worry and increase the tension. The second reason, the relationship between students and people around them, makes a contribution to their negation. It can include relationships in their family and among friends. It is true that the regular argument of parents or separation of them has a profound influence on children’s thoughts that lead to depression. Similarly, students can have some trouble building up eternal friendships or great love. While connections can make a person integrate into the world outside, they also can damage a person because of experiencing a relationship break-up. The final point that causes young people to feel depressed is environmental factors. Most university students are living far away from their families, so they usually feel incredibly alone and homesick thus. Moreover, they have to manage everything by themselves, such as spending, cooking, and dressing, which their parents carefully prepare as they are at home. Also, they get into difficulties from time to time; they try to deal with them without the support of their parents. For this reason, many students are suffering stress now. University students usually tend to be pessimistic about life events such as pressures, relationships, environmental factors. In addition, if anxiety goes on for a long time, they may face with depression or insomnia, which severely affects their mental health. Whatever the reasons, it is very paramount to confront this problem.
A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
mood is a common problem that almost all young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
particularly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at university and college, are facing. In fact, a high level of anxiety can lead to suicidal thoughts and behaviors and go on to affect a person throughout life. According to the result of investments, there are three primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
that cause the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
feeling.

The most fundamental cause for pessimistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is the intense pressure of study. Every day, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
assignments in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and deadlines at home, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their brain
continually
activate and
seriously
damage in case it lasts for weeks and months.
Additionally
, when the exams approach, they
constantly
wake up all night to cram for their examination that they can have the state of insomnia. The core is
also
the significant factor that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
particularly
worry and increase the tension.

The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
a contribution to their negation. It can include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
in their family and among friends. It is true that the regular argument of parents or separation of them has a profound influence on children’s thoughts that lead to depression.
Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
trouble building up eternal friendships or great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
. While connections can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a person integrate into the world outside, they
also
can damage a person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of experiencing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
break-up.

The final point that causes young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to feel depressed is environmental factors. Most university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are living far away from their families,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
usually
feel
incredibly
alone and homesick
thus
.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
manage everything by themselves, such as spending, cooking, and dressing, which their parents
carefully
prepare as they are at home.
Also
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into difficulties from time to time; they try to deal with them without the support of their parents. For this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are suffering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

University
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
usually
tend to be pessimistic about life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
such as pressures,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
, environmental factors.
In addition
, if anxiety goes on for a long time, they may face with depression or insomnia, which
severely
affects their mental health. Whatever the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
paramount to confront this problem.
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IELTS essay What causes young people, especially university students, to feel negative?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
370 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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