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What can be done to increase young people’s interest in famous people in the history of their country

What can be done to increase young people’s interest in famous people in the history of their country raRyN
Younger generations today are often more interested in international celebrities rather than figures from their country’s past. In my opinion, this is a natural tendency related to mass media and can be mitigated by improving history lessons in schools. Younger people today organically gravitate towards individuals they resonate with and see in entertainment. This applies equally to those in the film and music industries. For example, one of the most popular singers for the last decade has been Taylor Swift, an artist who prolifically releases albums, updates her Instagram, and is generally present online and in the entertainment world. Young people listen to her songs and identify with her and then follow her personal life closely in order to enjoy a vicarious, uplifting feeling. This stands in marked contrast to historical figures who no longer contribute or offer any present value. This tendency to value current stars can be countered with more engaging history classes. History lessons in most contexts focus on dry facts and propaganda. However, there are historians who can enliven historical events such as in Robert Caro’s non-fiction or Hilary Mantel’s historical fiction. If students were introduced to passages from those sources, there is a stronger likelihood that it would instill in them a lifelong passion for the study of history and the figures that have shaped our current world. If such lessons were combined with more relevant current events lessons, then students might be more compelled to understand, respect, and continue researching great historical actors. In conclusion, though there is a natural inclination to pay more attention to contemporary pop culture figures, an emphasis on quality texts could encourage young people to care more about individuals from the past. This will not cause a seismic shift but could have a marginal impact
Younger generations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
more interested in international celebrities
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
from their country’s past. In my opinion, this is a natural tendency related to mass media and can
be mitigated
by improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
in schools. Younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
organically
gravitate towards individuals they resonate with and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in entertainment. This applies
equally
to those in the film and music industries.
For example
, one of the most popular singers for the last decade has been Taylor Swift, an artist who
prolifically
releases albums, updates her Instagram, and is
generally
present online and in the entertainment world. Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
listen to her songs and identify with her and then follow her personal life
closely
in order to enjoy a vicarious, uplifting feeling. This stands in marked contrast to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
who no longer contribute or offer any present value.

This tendency to value
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
stars can
be countered
with more engaging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
classes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
in most contexts focus on dry facts and propaganda.
However
, there are historians who can enliven
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
such as in Robert
Possible spelling mistake found.
Caro
’s non-fiction or Hilary Mantel’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
fiction. If students
were introduced
to passages from those sources, there is a stronger likelihood that it would instill in them a lifelong passion for the study of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
that have shaped our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world. If such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
were combined
with more relevant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
, then students might be more compelled to understand, respect, and continue researching great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
actors.

In conclusion
, though there is a natural inclination to pay more attention to contemporary pop culture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
, an emphasis on quality texts could encourage young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to care more about individuals from the past. This will not cause a seismic shift
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
could have a marginal
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
impact
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IELTS essay What can be done to increase young people’s interest in famous people in the history of their country

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
295 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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