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What are the top three advantages students obtain with an international education and how does it affect their long-term achievements?

What are the top three advantages students obtain with an international education and how does it affect their long-term achievements? d33eP
There is a bunch of advantages of getting an international education not only for one person but also for the world that will affect long-term achievements. Moreover, in this essay, I am going to discuss the main three long-term advantages of studying abroad. First of all, there are so many not developed or post-war countries where all intelligent people are involved in building governmental structures. Subsequently, the countries of the 3rd world have a shortage of intelligent teachers or even a deficit of teachers at all. Taking into account the fact that such countries highly need smart and thinking people both for teaching the younger generation and working in governmental structures to improve the life of dwellers it is a brilliant idea to get educated in the countries with the leading educational system. So a student from the countries of the 3rd world will be educated by the dint of the cutting-edge methods and will be aware of the newest data provided. Therefore, by getting back to the motherland he or she will be able to teach others and help officials to get closer to the standard of living of the leading countries. For instance, in Uzbekistan we do have The Ministry of Education – Sherzod Shermatov studied at Yale University. After graduation Sherzod Shermatov returned to Uzbekistan and worked in politics trying to improve the life of people. Thanks to him The Ministry of Public Education is committed to an ambitious program of a systematic and comprehensive reform of the general secondary education system. The Ministry is working to create an education system that can produce graduates with the critical thinking, problem-solving, and practical skills that will enable them to succeed in school and after graduation. All this contribute to the subsequent development of the standard of living in the country and world. The second advantage of obtaining an international education that will affect a person’s long-term achievement is that it will reinforce an individual's independence and introspection. By leaving one motherland or comfort zone and stepping into something unknown- one takes a big risk. Getting an international education in a country where one is immersed in a foreign culture that speaks a different language, in a sense, shape one's personality, including given the life lessons one has learned in her or his native life in home cultures. If a person successfully integrates into a foreign culture, it will greatly empower and cause people to think about who else he or she can become and how far she or he can get. Furthermore, once a person realizes he or she does just fine, it's a great confidence booster. The majority of people spends their lives living in their comfort zone and thinking they couldn't do without it. But if a person left the 'happy place' and dared to take a risk he or she understands how capable a person is. This is why so many students feel like a completely new person when upon coming home from a study abroad trip. The experience sets one up with an unshakeable sense of confidence and a new perspective on the world. Additionally, it also translates to great leadership skills. Thirdly, while obtaining an international education one will expand networking that can be highly beneficial for long-term achievements. Since one meets a lot of new people from different backgrounds, thus adding to his or her understanding of the world and how to interact with a diverse range of people all over the world. Some acquaintances with professionals can raise the level of motivation and observance. This also will educate one what is smart and right on others mistakes. Plus, people from foreign regions can be interested in attracting specialists or finances in both projects and ideas that are difficult to implement with the dint of opportunities in one’s home town.
There is a bunch of advantages of getting an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
that will affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long-term
achievements.
Moreover
, in this essay, I am going to discuss the main three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long-term
advantages of studying abroad.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
not developed or post-war
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where all intelligent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are involved
in building governmental structures.
Subsequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
of the 3rd
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
have a shortage of intelligent teachers or even a deficit of teachers at all. Taking into account the fact that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
highly
need smart and thinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
both for teaching the younger generation and working in governmental structures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of dwellers it is a brilliant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
educated in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with the leading educational system.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
a student from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
of the 3rd
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
will
be educated
by the dint of the cutting-edge methods and will be aware of the newest data provided.
Therefore
, by getting back to the motherland he or she will be able to teach others and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
officials to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
closer to the standard of living of the leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For instance
, in Uzbekistan we do have The Ministry of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sherzod
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shermatov
studied at Yale University. After graduation
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sherzod
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shermatov
returned to Uzbekistan and worked in politics trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Thanks to him The Ministry of Public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is committed
to an ambitious program of a systematic and comprehensive reform of the general secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system. The Ministry is working to create an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system that can produce graduates with the critical thinking, problem-solving, and practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that will enable them to succeed in school and after graduation. All
The verb 'contribute' is plural. Did you mean: "this contributes"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this contribute
to the subsequent development of the standard of living in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and world.

The second advantage of obtaining an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
that will affect a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long-term
achievement is that it will reinforce an individual's independence and introspection. By leaving one motherland or comfort zone and stepping into something unknown- one takes a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
. Getting an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where one
is immersed
in a foreign culture that speaks a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
language, in a sense, shape one's personality, including
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
lessons one has learned in her or his native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in home cultures. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
successfully
integrates into a foreign culture, it will
greatly
empower and cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about who else he or she can become and how far she or he can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
.
Furthermore
, once a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
realizes he or she does
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
fine, it's a great confidence booster. The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spends their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
living in their comfort zone and thinking they couldn't do without it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the 'happy place' and dared to take a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
he or she understands how capable a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is. This is why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students feel like a completely new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
when upon coming home from a study abroad trip. The experience sets one up with an
Possible spelling mistake found.
unshakeable
sense of confidence and a new perspective on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
Additionally
, it
also
translates to great leadership
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Thirdly
, while obtaining an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
one will expand networking that can be
highly
beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long-term
achievements. Since one meets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds,
thus
adding to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
understanding of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and how to interact with a diverse range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
acquaintances with professionals can raise the level of motivation and observance. This
also
will educate one what is smart and right on others mistakes. Plus,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from foreign regions can
be interested
in attracting specialists or finances in both projects and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
that are difficult to implement with the dint of opportunities in one’s home town.
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IELTS essay What are the top three advantages students obtain with an international education and how does it affect their long-term achievements?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
638 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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