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Many individuals aim to achieve a balance between work and their life but few achieve it. What are the causes? and how to overcome these problems?

Many individuals aim to achieve a balance between work and their life but few achieve it. What are the causes? and how to overcome these problems? Vyyk7
There is no doubt that people tend to seek stability in all aspect of their lives. However, only a little amount of them are able to achieve this goal. This essay will outline two possible reasons why a large percentage of people are not able to find a balance between their work and lives, as well as the most practical solutions. There are many reasons why people struggle to find balance, but the most obvious reason is financial instability. An average person works between 6 to 12 hours, which in most cases starts as early as 8 am with only one to two hours of break. This long working hours create big problem for most workers since they have to work in order to pay for their expenses and bills. Another point to consider is improper time management. That is to say, owing to their busy schedule and stressful jobs, they find it difficult to create for themselves or socialize with friends, and this can lead to negative consequences like depression. The most practical solutions to these problems are proper time management and qualification advancement. First of all, being very intentional about daily expenditures is a good start towards financial stability. For example, a research was conducted by a firm to determine the amount of money spend on junk food in USA and it was determined that British people spend more than one-third of their monthly income on fast food. Meanwhile cooking at home will definitely help to save more money hence minimizing the need to work extra hours. In addition, enrolling for bridging programmes or advanced qualification will also help to increase annual salary, therefore they are able to pay their bills without doing any extra job. In conclusion, even though several factors contribute to instability in humans. There are, however, some evident solutions to concur them like developing good time management and getting advanced degree when necessary.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to seek stability in all aspect of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
amount of them are able to achieve this goal. This essay will outline two possible reasons why a large percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not able to find a balance between their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
as well
as the most practical solutions.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
struggle to find balance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the most obvious reason is financial instability. An average person works
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 6 and 12".
between 6 to 12
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, which
in most cases
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
as early as 8 am with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one to two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of break. This long working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem for most workers since they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in order to pay for their expenses and bills. Another point to consider is improper time management.
That is
to say, owing to their busy schedule and stressful jobs, they find it difficult to create for themselves or socialize with friends, and this can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "like". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences like
depression.

The most practical solutions to these problems are proper time management and qualification advancement.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
intentional about daily expenditures is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
towards financial stability.
For example
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
was conducted
by a firm to determine the amount of money spend on junk food
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
and it
was determined
that British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend more than one-third of their monthly income on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
cooking at home will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to save more money
hence
minimizing the need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
In addition
, enrolling for bridging
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
or advanced qualification will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to increase annual salary,
therefore
they are able to pay their bills without doing any extra job.

In conclusion
,
even though
several factors contribute to instability in humans. There are,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
evident solutions to concur them like developing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
time management and getting advanced degree when necessary.
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IELTS essay Many individuals aim to achieve a balance between work and their life but few achieve it. What are the causes? and how to overcome these problems?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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