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What are the reasons for young individuals to commit crimes?

What are the reasons for young individuals to commit crimes? kLXlW
Youth Crime Young generations are the future of our country. When their future is changed by their behaviors, our country's future will change. Sometimes, it can be beneficial, if their behaviors are successful. However, young people become more prone to commit crimes. There are three reasons for the increase of youth crime which are their family background, social environment, and computer games. The principal reason is family background. Everyone has always admired their parents since childhood, and they repeat what their parents do. When parents commit a crime, their children do not think this is a crime at the first time. And then some youngsters can commit the same crime. Consequently, as adult crimes increase, so will their juvenile crime. The second reason is the social environment. Motivational speaker Jim Rohn said that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. A teenager starts to commit a crime, other teenagers who are friends with a young criminal start to commit it too. To summarize, the young crime rate starts to increase as innocent youth start emulating criminal youth. The final reason is computer games. Adolescents are spending most of their time with computers because their parents think that it is dangerous outside and they do not allow them to go outside. Most computer games include violence, such as neverdead, dead space, dead island, and resident evil, so violence is becoming an ordinary situation to teeanagers. In summation, from my point of view, the youth crime number is increasing because of three vital reasons: family background, friendship relationship and computer games. When these three results are combined with each other, a large increase in the youth crime rate is observed. Parents should be more careful of their young children's attitudes.
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Youth
Crime

Young generations are the future of our country. When their future is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
by their behaviors, our country's future will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, it can be beneficial, if their behaviors are successful.
However
,
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young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
become more prone to
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commit
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crimes
. There are three
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reasons
for the
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increase
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
which are their family background, social environment, and computer games.

The principal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is family background. Everyone has always admired their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
since childhood, and they repeat what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
a
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crime
, their children do not
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think
this is a
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crime
at the
first
time. And then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
youngsters can
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commit
the same
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crime
.
Consequently
, as adult
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crimes
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increase
,
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so
will their juvenile crime.

The second
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reason
is the social environment. Motivational speaker Jim
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rohn
said that we are the average of the five
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
we spend the most time with. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
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starts
to
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commit
a
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crime
, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who are friends with a
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young
criminal
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start
to
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commit
it too.
To summarize
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate
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starts
to
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increase
as innocent
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youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
emulating criminal youth.

The final
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reason
is computer games. Adolescents are spending most of their time with computers
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because
their
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parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is
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dangerous
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
outside and
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to go outside. Most computer games include violence, such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
neverdead
, dead space, dead island, and
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
resident evil
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
violence is becoming an ordinary situation to
Possible spelling mistake found.
teeanagers
.

In summation, from my point of view, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
number is increasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of three vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
: family background, friendship relationship and computer games. When these three results
are combined
with each other, a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate
is observed
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should be more careful of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
children's attitudes.
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IELTS essay What are the reasons for young individuals to commit crimes?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
295 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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