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It is thought that students should focus on their studies more and spend less time on physical activities? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is thought that students should focus on their studies more and spend less time on physical activities? K3dj3
In this day and age, students' schedules are fully covered with extra classes and there is no spare time for them to take up any sports. Most parents assume that their children must concentrate on the education program rather than physical activities. Nevertheless, I wholly object to this perspective as the lack of exercise will result in a poor state of health of the youths. Firstly, inactivity in a long time can lead to obesity. The muscles do not work much as children spend most time resting on the chairs in their classes. Just few calories ingested are reduced since there are not adequate movements and turn into fat. Without physical activities, the body will gradually become sluggish and passive. Moreover, obesity can cause a number of dangerous diseases such as heart-related diseases. Consequently, lacking exercise extremely does harm to pupils' health. Last but not least, students' mental health can be profoundly influenced when pupils are forced to study all the time. They require the opportunities to entertain themselves through scanty extracurricular activities. Youths may undergo the pressure of studying well in all subjects or the peer pressure. Therefore, the relaxation in pastimes when they are able to overlook their worries is indispensable. Durable health brings huge benefits for students such as reforming mental health as well as academic productivity. In conclusion, studies and physical activities all desire great attention for comprehensive development. It is significant to not only achieve good scores at school but also have strong physical health. We should not just focus on one field and neglect the other one.
In this day and age, students' schedules are
fully
covered with extra classes and there is no spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for them to take up any sports. Most parents assume that their children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
concentrate on the education program
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Nevertheless
, I wholly object to this perspective as the lack of exercise will result in a poor state of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the youths.

Firstly
, inactivity in a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can lead to obesity. The muscles do not work much as children spend most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
resting on the chairs in their classes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
few calories ingested are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
since there are not adequate movements and turn into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
. Without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, the body will
gradually
become sluggish and passive.
Moreover
, obesity can cause a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases such as heart-related diseases.
Consequently
, lacking exercise
extremely
does harm to pupils' health.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, students' mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
can be
profoundly
influenced when pupils
are forced
to study all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. They require the opportunities to entertain themselves through scanty extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Youths may undergo the pressure of studying well in all subjects or the peer pressure.
Therefore
, the relaxation in pastimes when they are able to overlook their worries is indispensable. Durable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
brings huge benefits for students such as reforming mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
as well
as academic productivity.

In conclusion
, studies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
all desire great attention for comprehensive development. It is significant to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
achieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
scores at school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
have strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. We should not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
focus on one field and neglect the other one.
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IELTS essay It is thought that students should focus on their studies more and spend less time on physical activities?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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