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What are the reasons behind the increasing rate of crime in the metropolitan cities?

What are the reasons behind the increasing rate of crime in the metropolitan cities? j569w
Nowadays, the swelling rate of crime in the metropolitan cities has become a burning issue which require the immediate attention of government to deal with. First of all, amongst the various reasons behind such devastating situation of law & order in the prime cities is illiteracy. As the juvenile criminals are not educate & mature enough to judge between the right & wrong in demanding situations. The second main reason for being a criminal is the unsound financial condition of some people undoubtedly the destitute who are in dire need of money to fulfill their basic needs like food, clothing & shelter & when they fail to do so they have to choose the unethical means to earn the money like robbery, burglary, chain snatching, contract killing & so on. The last but not the least is the drug addiction that entice the young generation to go for the criminal activities to arrange for their daily dose of drugs that seized them physically & mentally.
Nowadays, the swelling rate of crime in the metropolitan cities has become a burning issue which require the immediate attention of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to deal with.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, amongst the various reasons behind such devastating situation of law & order in the prime cities is illiteracy. As the juvenile criminals are not
Consider using a past participle here: "educated".
educate
& mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to judge between the right &
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
in demanding situations. The second main reason for being a criminal is the unsound financial condition of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
undoubtedly
the destitute who are in dire need of money to fulfill their basic needs like food, clothing & shelter & when they fail to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose the unethical means to earn the money like robbery, burglary, chain snatching, contract killing &
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. The last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least is the drug addiction that entice the young generation to go for the criminal activities to arrange for their daily dose of drugs that seized them
physically
& mentally.

IELTS essay What are the reasons behind the increasing rate of crime in the metropolitan cities?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
165 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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