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Some say that the government should stop supporting the professional sports activities and the cultural performances, and instead begin supporting schools to encourage children to take up sports and arts.Discuss and give your opinion.

Some say that the government should stop supporting the professional sports activities and the cultural performances, and instead begin supporting schools to encourage children to take up sports and arts. Discuss and give your opinion. Lwjb8
apparently, legislature should minimise over to stop funds for professional sports and cultural activities. international sports such as athletic, boxing, swimming etcetera are played by human all over the world and it create a platform for sports player to secure their career. Eventually, these supports also make a proud movement for nation. For instance, recently in javelin throw Neeraj Chopra won the Gold Medal in Olympic(Tokyo) and make their nation pride all over the globe. Moreover if government stop to promote cultural performances then the preference to traditional activities would be diminished among future generation. Nevertheless, a favourable spare budget must be made by authorities to support school pupil for art and sport. Primilarly, institutions is the place where the learners have roots to learn sports and arts. Consequently, with the help of support from legislature schools able to provide these activities in their school and make student's career bright. to examplify, according to recent survey in Delhi which stated that 45% school having support from state government for sports activities then students are more attracts in these school towards games.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
apparently
, legislature should
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
over to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
funds for professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as athletic, boxing, swimming etcetera
are played
by human all over the world and it
Did you mean "creates"?
create
a platform for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
player to secure their career.
Eventually
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supports
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a proud movement for nation.
For instance
, recently in javelin throw
Possible spelling mistake found.
Neeraj
Chopra won the Gold Medal in Olympic(Tokyo) and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their nation pride all over the globe.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
to promote cultural performances then the preference to traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
would
be diminished
among future generation.
Nevertheless
, a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
spare budget
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be made
by authorities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
pupil for art and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Primilarly
, institutions is the place where the learners have roots to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and arts.
Consequently
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from legislature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
able to provide these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
student's career bright.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
examplify
, according to recent survey in Delhi which stated that 45%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from state
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
then students are more attracts in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
towards games.
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IELTS essay Some say that the government should stop supporting the professional sports activities and the cultural performances, and instead begin supporting schools to encourage children to take up sports and arts. Discuss and give your opinion.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
181 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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