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what are the reason for this rise in obesity? how could it be tackled?

what are the reason for this rise in obesity? how could it be tackled? 8dOEl
Recently, all over the world, societies are facing an important problem with obesity. Many scientific researches have shown evidences that obesity affects badly not only health but also spirit. Due to some reasons, It has become more and more popular in both children and adults. In this essay, I will specify why obesity rises quickly and propose some solutions to get rid of this issue. One of the main reasons is eating too much, particularly poor diet. Many people prefer to have a takeaway meal with soft drinks to save time, rather than cook a healthy meal at home. People also may be tempted to have junk food or fast food on the edge of road. If the calories which are provided by this poor diet, are not been burned off, they will be stored in the body as fat. This fat can lead to obesity. To tackle this issue, the government should raise tax on any food which is considered to be unhealthy. Besides, the organizations of Health also should launch a campaign to explain how important food ingredients are to health issues, thus people will be driven to consume nutritious food. Another significant contributor is under stressed. When you get stressed, you tend to eat a lot and even lose control of the food intake, just to feel better. Moreover, stress makes your body produce a substance called peptidase which prompts to form fat. The good way forward is people should keep work - life balance to maintain their mental health. A third cause relating to obesity is that a lot of people lead a sedentary lifestyle. That is to say, nowadays, people have jobs involving sitting at a desk most of the day or relying on their cars rather than walking, cycling after work. In addition, for relaxation, people usually tend to watch TV, surf the Internet and rarely do exercises. Lacking of physical activities lead to more energy provided by the food you eat is not used. Then, they will be stored by body as fat too. Dealing with this issue, the government should build more parks which be equipped with public sport tools. This can attract more people to visit parks after work or after dinner, do exercises together and also can lead to decrease stress. In conclusion, obesity is a growing problem all over the world. But, in my view, people can completely avoid obesity by practicing healthy eating habits and working out more as possible. So action must be taken urgently, otherwise our relatives will suffer.
Recently, all over the world, societies are facing an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
problem with obesity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
scientific researches have shown evidences that obesity affects
badly
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
spirit. Due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons, It has become more and more popular in both children and adults. In this essay, I will specify why obesity rises
quickly
and propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of this issue.

One of the main reasons is eating too much,
particularly
poor diet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to have a takeaway meal with soft drinks to save time,
rather
than cook a healthy meal at home.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
also
may
be tempted
to have junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
on the edge of road. If the calories which
are provided
by this poor diet, are not
been burned
off, they will
be stored
in the body as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to obesity. To tackle this issue, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should raise tax on any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which
is considered
to be unhealthy.
Besides
, the organizations of Health
also
should launch a campaign to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
ingredients are to health issues,
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be driven
to consume nutritious food.

Another significant contributor is under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
. When you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
, you tend to eat a lot and even lose control of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
intake,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to feel better.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
your body produce a substance called
Possible spelling mistake found.
peptidase
which prompts to form
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way forward is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
work
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
life balance to maintain their mental health.

A third cause relating to obesity is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
a sedentary lifestyle.
That is
to say, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have jobs involving sitting at a desk most of the day or relying on their cars
rather
than walking, cycling after work.
In addition
, for relaxation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV, surf the Internet and rarely do exercises. Lacking of physical activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to more energy provided by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
you eat is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
. Then, they will
be stored
by body as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
too. Dealing with this issue, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should build more parks which
be equipped
with public sport tools. This can attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to visit parks after work or after dinner, do exercises together and
also
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to decrease
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

In conclusion
, obesity is a growing problem all over the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can completely avoid obesity by practicing healthy eating habits and working out more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
possible.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
action
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
urgently
,
otherwise
our relatives will suffer.
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IELTS essay what are the reason for this rise in obesity? how could it be tackled?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
423 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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