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What are the problems faced by the disabled today?

What are the problems faced by the disabled today? 7WaQ3
Disablility is a condition where an individual is suffering from a physical and mental illness. People who are disabled have to face several problems in their daily life such as dependent on others for numerous things, not able get proper education, lack of employment and so on. In this essay I will discuss the difficulties through which handicapped have to go in their everyday life. To begin with, handicapped have to rely  on others  for many things as they do not have the ability to do such things on their own. There are so many activities in daily routine in which they face difficulties to do like cooking, laundry, shopping, travelling and so on. For instance, if person is  blind he/she has to face many problems in travelling, shopping, etc. He/she will not able to detect the colour and design of clothes if he/she went for shopping alone. Therefore, he/she has to come with another person and has to depend on him for detecting the colour and design of fabric. Furthermore, disabled people also have to face difficulties in education and employment. To elaborate it, a large number of children with disabilities remain out of school and thus they deprived of basic education. They are not able to run the race of life like other normal kids. So, when these people are deprived of basic education, they are not cable to compete with others and are not able get good job. To conclude, I would like to say  that handicapped people have to face numerous difficulties in  their life. Some of the problems are depend on others for various tasks as I mentioned above and these disabilities also affect their education and later on their profession.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Disablility
is a condition where an individual is suffering from a physical and mental illness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
are disabled
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
several problems in their daily life such as dependent on others for numerous things, not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, lack of employment and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. In this essay I will discuss the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficulties
through which handicapped
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go in their everyday life.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, handicapped
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
rely
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on others
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for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things as they do not have the ability to do such things on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
activities in daily routine in which they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficulties
to do like cooking, laundry, shopping, travelling and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
For instance
, if person is
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
blind
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he/she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
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face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems in travelling, shopping, etc.
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He/she
will not
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able
to detect the
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
and design of clothes if
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he/she
went for shopping alone.
Therefore
,
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he/she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with another person and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
depend on him for detecting the
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
and design of fabric.

Furthermore
, disabled
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people
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
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difficulties
in
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education
and employment. To elaborate it,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
children with disabilities remain out of school and
thus
they deprived of basic
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education
. They are not
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able
to run the race of life like
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other
normal kids.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, when these
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people
are deprived
of basic
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education
, they are not cable to compete with others and are not
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able
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job.

To conclude
, I would like to say
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
that handicapped
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people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
numerous
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difficulties
in
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
their life.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
problems are
Consider using a past participle here: "depended".
depend
on others for various tasks as I mentioned above and these disabilities
also
affect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and later on their profession.
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IELTS essay What are the problems faced by the disabled today?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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