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What are the main effects of modern technology on our health and possible solutions of them ?

What are the main effects of modern technology on our health and possible solutions of them? 85dQk
In recent days, modern technology is thought to have an influence on people's lives negatively as well as having some good points Modern technology has been spreading to every piece of our life and has a great influence on our health inevitably which is mostly negative. Even it is likely to say that modern technology triggers some health problems; that is there are many other effects of modern technology on our health with possible solutions. Many health problems today may be caused by modern technology. For example, using social media is a common hobby for many people nowadays, so face to face activities such as sports are less popular. In addition, ready meals are easy to buy, hence people don't cook fresh food any more. Because office jobs involve too much time working with computers, people can develop wrist problems or back pain. Another effect of modern technology on our health is that people in the street listen to music through headphones. Therefore, they cannot hear cars coming and may get run over. More, children spend too much time sitting playing video games. which leads to that they do not move enough and they become overweight. Though there are serious effects of modern machinery on community’s health, some solutions can be suggested to deal with the negative aspects of technology. / On the other hand, there are many ways to deal with the problems caused by modern machinery. It might be given a variety of presentations regarding to effect of modern machinery’s handicaps by school directors, municipalities or social organization to raise awareness in public. Additionally, people should be informed about avoiding packet food and fast food and the importance to prefer cooking fresh food and eating healthy. Regarding children, families should encourage their children to be active and take up doing exercise. In conclusion, although modern technology affects people’s life sometimes positively, this may lead to a number of energy problems from getting overweight to having an accident on the road. However, if we personally, and the government take precautions against the negative effects.
In recent days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to have an influence on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
negatively
as well
as having
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some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
points
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Modern
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technology
has been spreading to every piece of our life and has a great influence on our
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health
inevitably
which is
mostly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
. Even it is likely to say that
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modern
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technology
triggers
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some
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health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
;
that is
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other effects of
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modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
with possible solutions.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
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health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
may
be caused
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
For example
, using social media is a common hobby for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
face to face activities such as sports are less popular.
In addition
, ready meals are easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
,
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't cook fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
Did you mean the adverb "anymore"?
any more
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
office jobs involve too much time working with computers,
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people
can develop wrist
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problems
or back pain. Another
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effect
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
that


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people
in the street listen to music through headphones.
Therefore
, they cannot hear cars coming and may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
run over. More, children spend too much time sitting playing video games.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
leads to that they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
enough and
they become overweight.

Though there are serious effects of
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modern
machinery on community’s
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health
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions can
be suggested
to deal with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of
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technology
. /
On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to deal with the
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problems
caused by
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modern
machinery. It might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a variety of presentations
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
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effect
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
machinery’s handicaps by school directors, municipalities or social organization to raise awareness in public.
Additionally
,
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people
should
be informed
about avoiding packet
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food
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and the importance to prefer cooking fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and eating healthy. Regarding children, families should encourage their children to be active and take up doing exercise.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
positively
, this may lead to a number of energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
from getting overweight to having an accident on the road.
However
, if we
personally
, and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
take precautions against the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.
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IELTS essay What are the main effects of modern technology on our health and possible solutions of them?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
345 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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