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What are the impacts of remote working on other businesses (coffee shops, hotels etc)?

What are the impacts of remote working on other businesses (coffee shops, hotels etc)? m8dnN
Nowadays, the Internet and the ways of earning money on it are very well developed. Many employers of large firms offer work at home. It's very cool and comfortable for people, as well as safe during a pandemic. However, working from home brings a blow to cafes, hotels and other places where people used to work offline often. We can say that such institutions have started to have a loss in the last 5 years, because there was a pandemic and the Internet began to grow at a tremendous speed and vacancies on it too. Previously, many people did interviews in cafes, went on business trips and stayed overnight in hotels, and now more and more people are choosing remote work. I believe that in this case, institutions also need to reach a higher level, (не очень поняла смысл) because we live in the 21st century and we need to create more innovations.
Nowadays, the Internet and the ways of earning money on it are
very
well developed
.
Many
employers of large firms offer work at home. It's
very
cool and comfortable for
people
,
as well
as safe during a pandemic.

However
, working from home brings a blow to
cafes
, hotels and other places where
people
used
to work offline
often
. We can say that such institutions have
started
to have a loss in the last 5 years,
because
there was a pandemic and the Internet began to grow at a tremendous speed and vacancies on it too. Previously,
many
people
did
interviews
in
cafes
, went on business trips and stayed overnight in hotels, and
now
more and more
people
are choosing remote work.

I believe that
in this case
, institutions
also
need to reach a higher level, (
не
очень
поняла
смысл
)
because
we
live
in the 21st
century and
we need to create more innovations.
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IELTS essay What are the impacts of remote working on other businesses (coffee shops, hotels etc)?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
153 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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