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Modern lifestyles means that parents have little time for their children.Many children suffer due to their parents inattentiveness do you agree or disagree

Modern lifestyles means that parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer due to their parents inattentiveness Owe2p
The lifestyle of the modern day is considered as a period in which parents are too busy to have any time for their own children. Many people including me, believe that today's children are suffering more than their past counterparts from lack of attention of their parents due to increasing work pressure and extra working hours. The increasing amount of work pressure not only in workplace but also at home is becoming one aspect of our daily lives and working as the number one barrier between child and parent. Because of huge responsibility of work parents are lacking enough time for their children as they made a misconception about modern lifestyle. As a result they are procrastinating and consider the business life as the most crucial thing. Secondly because of parents desire to be rich and have more money than their fellows is leading them to work out of their ability at home. That is the another factor that is serving to separate the child from the parent. Due to the fact when parents are back at home from work instead of spending time with children they are always in hurry to accomplish the results they want as much as possible within the limited time. Thus nowadays more and more children are getting disappointed because of their parents inattentiveness. To conclude I strongly believe that some parents are not giving enough care to fulfill the requirements of their children's attention seeking as a child.
The lifestyle of the modern day
is considered
as a period in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are too busy to have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
including me, believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are suffering more than their past counterparts from lack of attention of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
due to increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure and extra working hours.

The increasing amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in workplace
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
at home is becoming one aspect of our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and working as the number one barrier between child and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of huge responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are lacking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as they made a misconception about modern lifestyle.
As a result
they are procrastinating and consider the business life as the most crucial thing.
Secondly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
desire to be rich and have more money than their fellows is leading them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
out of their ability at home.
That is
the another factor
that is
serving to separate the child from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
. Due to the fact when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are back at home from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
instead
of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
they are always in hurry to accomplish the results they want as much as possible within the limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
nowadays more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are getting disappointed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
inattentiveness.

To conclude
I
strongly
believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
care to fulfill the requirements of their children's attention seeking as a child.
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IELTS essay Modern lifestyles means that parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer due to their parents inattentiveness

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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