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what are the effects of electronic inventios on our healthy?

what are the effects of electronic inventios on our healthy? k6jJW
As generally admissible, the electronic inventions have knock on impact which are not ignorable. The recently researches prove that they can lead to pain in wrist, eye-strain and headache, as well as stress when you are using computers or mobile devices at work or at home. In addition, it can cause poor sleeping. Also, one of the major reasons of cancer is the radiation of electronic devices which produce microwave. Also, these inventions result in making great progress in medicine. Therefore, our lives is impressed by them, and they have lots of merits and disadvantages.
As
generally
admissible, the electronic inventions have knock on impact which are not ignorable. The recently researches prove that they can lead to pain in wrist, eye-strain and headache,
as well
as
stress
when you are using computers or mobile devices at work or at home.
In addition
, it can cause poor sleeping.
Also
, one of the major reasons of cancer is the radiation of electronic devices which produce microwave.
Also
, these inventions result in making great progress in medicine.
Therefore
, our
lives
is impressed
by them, and they have lots of merits and disadvantages.
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IELTS essay what are the effects of electronic inventios on our healthy?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
95 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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