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What are the disadvantages for children from poorer backgrounds?

What are the disadvantages for children from poorer backgrounds? 7royX
Being a child in a poor family has a lot of disadvantages. It has many negative effects from physical development to mental development. This can cause children to face problems in development and adulthood. Firstly, Poor kids cannot get all the micronutrients. These children eat many carbohydrates because carbohydrates are unbelievably cheap and carbs make people hungry quickly. Obesity rate increases due to excessive carbohydrate consumption. Supposing that the proteins are cheap, children can eat the protein necessary for body development and because the proteins are digested late, it gives a feeling of satiety and saves from obesity. Secondly, educational materials are awfully expensive, for example, books are at least 40-50 Turkish liras and computers for online education are at least 3000 Turkish liras. Poor kids cannot buy these so they cannot complete their mentally development and cannot take decent education. Mental education books and games for younger children cannot be bought by parents, so these children cannot be expected to be useful members of society. To conclude, to grow in poor family is a huge problem for kids. however, it is not just problem for kids because bad upbringing children can make a lot of danger for society life. so, it burdens much more on government. Governments should give social aid to poor family’s children in that well versed children mean a good future.
Being a child in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
family has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
disadvantages. It has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects from physical
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development
to mental
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development
. This can cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to face problems in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
and adulthood.

Firstly
,
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Poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all the micronutrients. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
carbohydrates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
carbohydrates are
unbelievably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and carbs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hungry
quickly
. Obesity rate increases due to excessive carbohydrate consumption. Supposing that the proteins are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
,
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children
can eat the protein necessary for body
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development
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the proteins
are digested
late, it gives a feeling of satiety and saves from obesity.

Secondly
, educational materials are awfully expensive,
for example
, books are at least 40-50 Turkish
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lire", the plural form of the noun 'lira'?
liras
and computers for online education are at least 3000 Turkish
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lire", the plural form of the noun 'lira'?
liras
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they cannot complete their mentally
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development
and cannot take decent education. Mental education books and games for younger
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children
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by parents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
these
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children
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to be useful members of society.

To conclude
, to grow in
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poor
family is a huge problem for
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kids
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
problem for
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kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
upbringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
for society life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
, it burdens much more on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should give social aid to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
family’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in that well versed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
mean a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
future.
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IELTS essay What are the disadvantages for children from poorer backgrounds?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
225 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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