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What are the causes and solutions of an unhealthy lifestyle?

What are the causes and solutions of an unhealthy lifestyle? KVrD0
Nowadays, an unhealthy lifestyle is becoming more and more common especially among the youth. When a person is addicted to fast food, uses technology devices for many hours or drinks day to day, it can lead him from healthy status to a patient. There are 2 main causes and 2 remedies for this problem. First, I believe it’s based on a family's bad habit and the lack of care from society to a child. The living environment affects people significantly especially to children. For instance, if they live with their parents who are smokers or adopt a sedentary lifestyle, they will be prone to imitate them. Patently awful conditions in early age result in following harmful activities. Second, the unawareness of personal health’s importance would give rise to this issue. Many people tend to ignore the negative effects of an unwholesome lifestyle and they don’t realize that just only a few bad activities a day can become unchangeable ways of life which could lead to long-term health consequences. To tackle this problem, parents should (take care more for their child) => pay more attention to their children even if they (are too busy) => are preoccupied with work. Government also has the responsibility to build strategies to improve the living standard of society. Turning to individual duty, each person needs to protect their own health by having (in a certain time) regular check-ups and making good habits like exercising, having nutritious diets, etc. In summary, harmful lifestyles are the results of negative influences from childhood and the blindness to the essence of a good lifestyle. Unless people alter their attitudes and daily routines, their quality of life would probably suffer.
Nowadays, an unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is becoming more and more common
especially
among the youth. When a person
is addicted
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
technology devices for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours or drinks day to day, it can lead him from healthy status to a patient. There are 2 main causes and 2 remedies for this problem.

First
, I believe it’s based on a family's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habit and the lack of care from society to a child. The living environment affects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
significantly
especially
to children.
For instance
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their parents who are smokers or adopt a sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
, they will be prone to imitate them.
Patently
awful conditions in early age result in following harmful activities. Second, the unawareness of personal health’s importance would give rise to this issue.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of an unwholesome
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lifestyle and
they don’t realize that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
activities a day can become unchangeable ways of life which could lead to long-term health consequences.

To tackle this problem, parents should (take care more for their child)
Do you wish to insert an arrow?
=>
pay more attention to their children even if they (are too busy)
Do you wish to insert an arrow?
=>
are preoccupied
with work.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
also
has the responsibility to build strategies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the living standard of society. Turning to individual duty, each person needs to protect their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
health by having (in a certain time) regular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
-ups and making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits like exercising, having nutritious diets, etc.

In summary, harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
are the results of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences from childhood and the blindness to the essence of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. Unless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
alter their attitudes and daily routines, their quality of life would
probably
suffer.
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IELTS essay What are the causes and solutions of an unhealthy lifestyle?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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