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What are the benefits of using computers or mobile phones for leisure activities?

What are the benefits of using computers or mobile phones for leisure activities? BM0l9
Technology is one of the greatest inventions of all time. It is currently extensively used across the globe. Smartphones and laptops are additional instances of technology that give us several advantages. First and foremost, they enable us to work more efficiently and effectively, as well as time-saving. It also aids in the enhancement and updating of news and information. Second, we may use the internet to interact with individuals all over the globe and create new relationships via social networks. Third, because there are so many wonderful computer-based occupations available, such as IT, Science Technology, and so on, we may be able to work from home. Finally, entertainment is a significant part of our lives, and computers, as well as cellphones can meet our demands. To summarise, computers and phones are quite beneficial. However, despite offering some benefits, we must utilize them with caution since there are several hazards in the rear.
Technology is one of the greatest inventions of all time. It is
currently
extensively
used
across the globe. Smartphones and laptops are additional instances of technology that give us several advantages.
First
and foremost, they enable us to work more
efficiently
and
effectively
,
as well
as time-saving. It
also
aids in the enhancement and updating of news and information. Second, we may
use
the internet to interact with individuals all over the globe and create new relationships via social networks. Third,
because
there are
so
many
wonderful computer-based occupations available, such as IT, Science Technology, and
so
on, we may be able to work from home.
Finally
, entertainment is a significant part of our
lives
, and computers,
as well
as cellphones can
meet
our demands. To
summarise
, computers and phones are quite beneficial.
However
, despite offering
some
benefits, we
must
utilize them with caution since there are several hazards in the rear.
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IELTS essay What are the benefits of using computers or mobile phones for leisure activities?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
152 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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