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eading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playong computer games for kid

eading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playong computer games for kid bEGEl
It is widely believed that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for kids. I agree with the aforementioned statement up to a point and this essay will address the reasons for my view as follows. On the first hand, there are several explicit reasons for which people are in favor of reading books is beneficial for children rather than other kinds of entertainment on screen. One primary explanation for this trend is that children would better read books to broaden their knowledges rather than attach their eyes to the screen all the time, which really cause damage to their eyes and they may soon be short-sighted. To be specific, reading those helpful stories from books not only give children insights about the world around them but also enable them to be absorb to it everytime without doing harm to their eyes. On the flip side, people actually do not see the forest for the trees that they detract the rest. It is irrefutable that attaching eyes to the screen too often has great influence on our health. However, computer and television has played an important role in our life in many aspects ever since it appeared, including entertainment. Watching TV can be a form of reading books that children can learn more things on various channels relating to nature, geology, history and so on. Finally, both watching TV or playing computer games are useful for children to relax, provided that the amount of time they spend on is limited and moderate. To briefly summarize, those irrefutable evidences proved that the benefits of reading books are much more the others. however, as long as watching TV or using computer effectively and moderately, children can benefit them without harm
It is
widely
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
stories from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
is better than watching TV or playing computer games for kids. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the aforementioned statement up to a point and this essay will address the reasons for my view as follows.

On the
first
hand, there are several explicit reasons for which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are in favor of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
rather
than other kinds of entertainment on screen. One primary explanation for this trend is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would better read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
to broaden their
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
rather
than attach their eyes to the screen all the time, which
really
cause damage to their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
eyes and
they may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
be short-sighted.

To be specific,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
those helpful stories from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
insights about the world around them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enable them to be
Consider using a past participle here: "absorbed".
absorb
to it
Possible spelling mistake found.
everytime
without doing harm to their eyes.

On the flip side,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
actually do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the forest for the trees that they detract the rest. It is irrefutable that attaching eyes to the screen too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
has great influence on our health.

However
, computer and television has played an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our life in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects ever since it appeared, including entertainment. Watching TV can be a form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn more things on various channels relating to nature, geology, history and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Finally
, both watching TV or playing computer games are useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to relax, provided that the amount of time they spend on
is limited
and moderate.

To
briefly
summarize, those irrefutable evidences proved that the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are much more the others.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, as long as watching TV or using computer
effectively
and
moderately
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can benefit them without harm
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IELTS essay eading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playong computer games for kid

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
294 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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