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What are the benefits of requiring young people to serve the army? Does participation in community work quality as an alternative?

What are the benefits of requiring young people to serve the army? Does participation in community work quality as an alternative? jd5Ka
It is well said that, work is a worship and career is a core of life. Being working in army lend plethora of benefits to youth, as well as, beneficial for the development of young generation by indulging into society works. In this essay, firstly I will articulate the independent and achieve holistic growth as the dominant benefits for young people and lastly cordial relationship among people and well being of society members another profits for them. In regard of army benefits, Adult learn independent by turning the age of eighteen. To make it more clear, once adult completed their secondary education get a colossal opportunities prior getting admission into universities in many nations. To epitome, they learn the value of money before get admission into colleges. Additionally, promote holistic growth. To explain, being in military, apart from independent, get physically fit and psychology owing to huge discipline and involved in extracurricular activities in that workplace. Consequently, gaining both benefits. Probing ahead, maintain interpersonal relationship. To sketch out further, youth would be able to keep balance and maintain social bonding with society members by working with them leads to prevent depression and social isolation problems. Also, less chances of indulgance into illegal activities. As individual will engaged into such work leads to crime rate such as drug addiction will less. As a result, crime rate would be lagging out by this. To recapitulate, there are umpteen number of profits by working in military and community for youth which is positive trend.
It is well said that, work is a worship and career is a core of life. Being working in army lend plethora of
benefits
to youth,
as well
as, beneficial for the development of young generation by indulging into society works. In this essay,
firstly
I will articulate the independent and achieve holistic growth as the dominant
benefits
for young
people
and
lastly
cordial relationship among
people
and
well being
of society members another profits for them. In regard of army
benefits
, Adult learn independent by turning the age of eighteen. To
make
it more
clear
, once adult completed their secondary education
get
a colossal opportunities prior getting admission into universities in
many
nations. To epitome, they learn the value of money
before
get
admission into colleges.
Additionally
, promote holistic growth. To
explain
, being in military, apart from independent,
get
physically
fit and psychology owing to huge discipline and involved in extracurricular activities in that workplace.
Consequently
, gaining both
benefits
. Probing ahead, maintain interpersonal relationship. To sketch out
further
, youth would be able to
keep
balance and maintain social bonding with society members by working with them leads to
prevent
depression and social isolation problems.
Also
,
less
chances of
indulgance
into illegal activities. As individual will
engaged
into such work leads to crime rate such as drug addiction will less.
As a result
, crime rate would be lagging out by this. To recapitulate, there are umpteen number of profits by working in military and community for youth which is
positive
trend.
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IELTS essay What are the benefits of requiring young people to serve the army? Does participation in community work quality as an alternative?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
251 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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